Why Your Ex Won't Talk to You

Does No Contact Work Getting Your Ex Back

Does no contact work in getting your ex back?  Let me just say this.  There is no guarantee that no contact will get your ex back, but it sure will increase your odds.  It also beats the alternative risk of coming across as an emotional desperate wreck with no control over herself or her emotions that calls and texts him wanting to talk or begging for closure or reassurance.

When a guy first breaks up with you, your emotions are all over the place.  You can't make good decisions from a place of emotions.  They get in the way.  You do and say things that you regret.  You come across in an unattractive light.  This turns him off.  He is more likely to feel pity than love and I know you don't want that.

No contact gives you time to get your head together and gain some balance. A guy will notice your absence as well.  No contact gives him the space to miss you and to think about you.  If you keep after him by remaining in contact, he  may only think about how annoying you are.

If you want your ex back, no contact really is your best bet.  In the beginning, he is likely to remember more of the bad things in your relationship.  Over time, it's been proven, people start to remember the good.  Give him the space to do so.  

The absolute very best resource on no contact is available by Bob Grant.  He explains exactly how no contact works and explains how it can get your ex back.  You can download it here.

A letter to My Ex! Before You Send It, Read Mine!

If you have just been broken up with, you have all these thoughts, feelings and emotions and you probably want to share them, and may be thinking, "I will just send a letter to my ex.  Please read my letter to my ex before you do.  You might just change your mind.

Here is my letter to my ex, that of course I won't send, but writing it is therapeutic.

Dear Ex Lover,

It was not an easy decision to end our relationship.  Even as I spoke the words to you, I still had my doubts.  Am I doing the right thing?  Hurting you like this was not a decision that I took lightly, as I still have love for you in my heart.

I asked you for space many times before this break up.  Out of your fear, fear of losing me, you grasped hold of me tighter, not giving me that space.  You claimed this was because you love me, but it felt a lot like fear to me.  So I broke up with you.  Even when I did it, at that time, I wasn't sure it would be permanent.  I felt that we did still have a chance in time.

So as the weeks went by, instead of accepting my decision, you fought it tooth and nail.  I began to dread waking up to your emails.  All I could see in your words was your bleeding heart.  I understand that you are hurt.  Your contact was a constant reminder of the pain I had caused you.  All of those questions that you wanted answered right then and there that I wasn't ready to answer.  Why couldn't you just wait until our emotions were more under control?  Things might be different now had you not pushed so hard.

You wouldn't stop.  You found excuses to come over.  You left something, you had something of mine to return.  Every time it wasn't about that at all, and the conversation always turned back to us.  Constant reminders of all the negatives and the reasons I broke up with you in the first place.

Then the emails.  Was I seeing anyone.  Could we still have sex.  How could I just turn off feelings.  You began placing blame and guilt.  Did it ease your pain?  It became a constant battle for you to try to control the outcome to what you want, with no consideration for what I want.  It began to feel like control and manipulation.

The more you pushed, the more defensive I became.  The more you tried to talk it out, the less I wanted to.  It was emotionally exhausting trying to make you feel better when it simply just wasn't in my power to do so.  I finally put my own sanity and well being first and did the ultimate and blocked all of your means of communication.  It didn't have to be this way.

Your constant contact just reinforced all the reasons I broke up with you.  There were times I would be laying in bed at night, missing you something fierce.  Wondering if I did the right thing.  Then I wake up to a slew of emails with you again pushing me and I remember why I broke up with you in the first place.  Pushing me to reconsider.  Telling me how you loved me.  The worst part was sharing your conclusions about how I had no heart and how cold I was.  You were making assumptions that I know weren't true.  Probably trying to find your own justifications for the demise of our love.

I couldn't even have time to miss you, for you were always there, reminding me.  I began to see that I had the power of your happiness in my hands and that my dear is too big of a burden for anyone to carry.

Had you given me time to heal and do some soul searching, things might have turned out differently.  Instead, you just confirmed for me that I made the right decision with your constant contact and disrespect of my boundaries.  It felt to me like you were trying to get something from me that I wasn't ready or willing to give at the moment.  It just doesn't work that way.

Your lack of self control during this critical time for us did not make me want you back, quite the opposite.

So I shake myself off and keep moving forward in my life without you.

Sincerely,

Your ex.

So moral of this story, if you are thinking of sending the letter to my ex, think twice.  If he or she has broken up with you and is not at this moment trying to reconcile, you bleeding your heart out will not help.  Give he or she space and time.  Call upon your self control.  People can get back together, but it's not going to happen today more than likely.  It takes time for people to heal, emotions to calm.

I know of a woman who recently reconciled with her ex after a year of no contact.  They had time to evaluate the depth of their love.  Had they rehashed it over and over in the beginning, too much damage would be done to be able to go back and fix the broken relationship.The time apart gave them both space to heal and grow.


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Texting Your Ex

When it comes to texting your ex, it's probably a good idea not to.  At least if the break up is fresh.  If he isn't texting you for sure it's just not a good idea.  If he wanted to speak with you, he would reach out and touch you.  If you just recently broke up, he needs time to process and feel the loss.  If you are busy texting your ex, it doesn't give him time to miss you that is for sure.

Also if you are texting you ex, chances are good you are doing two things.  One, acting from a place of emotion.  This is never a good idea.  If you are hurting, you really can't trust your emotions.  They will lead you astray almost every time.

Second, you are trying to control the outcome more than likely.  You are sittiing there, unable to think of little else and just looking for a good excuse to make contact.  There really is no good excuse.  You can't control his reaction to your text and chances are good that you may feel worse with the outcome you get.  He may not reply.  He may reply with just one word or be short.  Neither of these bring him back and neither of these lessen your pain so why do it?

The best time to text your ex is after some time has went by.  A few weeks at the bare minimum.  This way he has had time to miss you.  He has had time to calm down.  Men in time do tend to remember the good over the bad.  If you over reacted during your break up, it gives him time to clear that unattractive memory of you with little dignity.

Text You Ex Back

Should I Text My Ex

Should I Text My Ex Boyfriend

By robinincarolina  Posted on: Dec 12, 2011 

 

If you are wondering should I text my ex, chances are you want him back. You are looking for a reason to make contact and you sit there and think what could you text him to make him want you back or to get his attention. You are hoping he will reply and somehow make you feel better. The fact is if he broke up with you pretty recently, he will see right through about any text you send. He will see it as the lame excuse it is. This does not portray you in a very attractive light to say the least.

If you are going to text your ex, timing is everything. Do it too soon and you may very well kill any chances of reconciliation. It may put pressure on him and pressure does not endear you to a man. He may feel guilt. If you want an ex back, causing him to feel negative feeling won't do it. It's best to wait after a break up to text him and I don't mean a day or two. I mean weeks. Give your emotions and his time to cool down. Texting him when emotions are high will only make matters worse.

If you do wait and text him, it's important to know what to text him to rekindle those old feelings of when things were good. Men really do remember the good times over the bad time after some time has passed. If you text the wrong thing, you may just be handing him a reminder that yes he did the right thing by ending it. It's critical that when you text him it's not to talk about the relationship or what went wrong. There are right and wrong things to say in a text. Say the wrong thing and he may not even answer. Ouch. Say the right thing though and you can very likely open back up the communication.

If you are texting him in order to get answers or just to reach out and touch him, step away from the phone. This does not get him back. This is you wanting to feel better. You are hurting and your ego needs validation. The opposite is very likely to occur should you text your ex. He may not answer. He may answer and be very brief. Chances are good if you text him too soon and too much, you will do more harm than good.

There are ways to text your ex. I have heard some even say that if you do it right, you can text your ex back with the right timing and the right text messages.

5 Signs He Is Going To Break Up

It's scary, when you feel your boyfriend growing distant.  You begin to worry is he going to break up with me.  There are signs that he may in fact be losing that loving feeling.

1.  You gut is your first sign.  If you sense something is wrong and it persists for more than a couple of days, this is your very first sign.  Listen to your gut, it's usually right. 

2.  His texting and calling become more infrequent.  Maybe he used to text you every morning and he suddenly stops.

3.  He is doing more and more with his buddies and doesn't include you. 

4.  He breaks dates.  Says he is tired or stressed or some other excuse.

5.  He is short when he does call.  Maybe there are long moments of silence.  He gets off the phone fast.

These are just a few signs and if you are seeing them, get prepared and find out how to win him back if he does leave.  There are many things you could do if not prepared that will just push him further away.  Becoming emotional and crying, calling and texting obsessively will not get him to stay.  

Prevention is the key.  Don't hold on tighter, it only makes him want to run faster.

Why did He Come In My Life?

I get a lot of emails from a lot of women asking me this question.  Why did he come into my life?  These are women who are struggling through a break up and letting go.  They have so many whys but the Why did he come into my life to just leave me is a big one.  Here is my answer to the latest.  I hope it helps.  She asked specifically:

Don't all exes come back at some point?  I can't let go because I didn't get closure with him. Why did the Universe send this man into my life? 

To teach you how to let go. To teach you that letting go isn't an end but a beginning. To prepare you for your next love or a greater life purpose. The reasons he is or was in your life are unnumbered.

No not all exes come back. I have one that I love dearly, it's been 3 years. Sure I have seen and talked to him, but he never came back.

Closure can not come from a man, it comes from inside you. Funny, just recently the man I just knew was the man for me that would never step up recently mailed me with all of his regrets and apologies. I always thought that would make me feel better, give me closure, but it didn't. They are just words, words that just confirmed to me that is all it ever was. Words. Without actions and forward movement, they mean very little.

Here is some tough love for you. All those reasons you just gave for not letting go are excuses. They hold you prisoner. If you met someone tomorrow that blew your socks off, you would make time and room. You have time to ponder over this man that isn't or hasn't been present in your life in a long time. Imagine how your life would expand if you invested that energy into something or someone that could give back to you that which you long for.

Invest that energy into you, deeply get to know you. The reward will be priceless, I promise.

Texting Your Ex
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