First off it your guy says he wants a break, chances are good something isn't feeling right. It could be a number of things. He may feel smothered, he may feel you are clinging too tightly. If your guy wants a break though, first thing you have to do is gracefully give it to him. You don't want to bombard him with questions like why, how long, etc...
If you bombard him with questions, and hold on tighter, well he is going to see you as clingy. This just reinforces why he probably wants the break in the first place. Asking questions just pushes him away. It offers him reinforcement of why he wants to take a break.
Another thing that asking questions such as "How long of a break do you need?", you are showing yourself in an unfavorable light and yes you just may lose him forever. This lets him know for sure that you will do anything to keep him and he has the power in the relationship and has full say in dictating the terms of your relationship.
When your boyfriend wants a break, why should you be the one sitting and waiting for him to make up his mind? It's really not fair to you. Think about this. Have you ever decided you wanted to break up with a guy before, but were riddled with guilt so you let him down gently. You yourself may have said those words, I need a break, just to buy yourself some time to figure out how to dump him and feel less guilt. More times than not, this is exactly what is happening.
If you want to reverse this break up in the makings, you have to let him go. No pleading, begging, asking why why why. This just shows insecurity and kills what little attraction he has left for you. You tell him you understand and will respect his wishes, but aren't comfortable in limbo land and that you too will take advantage of the break to decide what you want as well.
Talk about turning the tables. Now who is drifting out of reach? You are. This does a strange thing to a man. It earns his respect and often after a few weeks, he starts to wonder what you are doing and why all of a sudden you are alright without him. It earns his respect because you put your own well being before his.
There is nothing more of a burden to a man than you putting him first. It's really a turn off for a man, he sees you as a doormat. This puts the responsibility of your happiness on him and it's really just too much. If you have made a man the center of your universe, it's no wonder he wants a break.
Bottom line here, let him take his break and you take yours. Respect his request, because if you don't, in a way you are telling him you really don't care what he wants, it's all about what you want. This is disrespectful when you really think about it. If your boyfriend wants to take a break, don't waste your time using words to stop him. Men just don't respond to words. It's actions and distance that melts the ice in their heart.
If your boyfriend wants a break, chances really are more likely that he is thinking of permanent. A committed man will not leave you to take a break. If he wants a break, more often that not a break up is about to follow. Get ready girl.
To turn this break around and not lose your man, it's critical to be prepared. If you don't want to lose him to another or forever, get your plan together now.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Thursday, January 13, 2011
If You Want Him Back - Why You Can't Be His Friend
If your man just broke up with you, the missing him is agonizing. You just want to talk to him, hear his voice. You will settle for a friendly talk just to ease your pain. First off contact with an ex is detrimental to ever getting back together, but that is another topic. If you talk to him, be his friend, you are actually easing his transition and making yours harder. If you want him back, you must not be his friend now let me explain why.
I know a woman who insisted that if she remained friends with her ex, he would eventually see the error of his ways. He would realize how great she really was and come back to her. So they remained friends, for about 2 months that is. He felt comfortable that she was ok, and he moved forward with his life. Two months into this friendship, guess what? He is dating someone new and it seems pretty serious. Being his friend backfired, she didn't get her man back.
All this woman did was ease his transition and help him move forward easily. He never had the opportunity to miss her. He ended the romance, but she remained his friend, thus he never felt the loss. To get a man back, he has to feel the pain and the loss. This doesn't usually happen right away with men. It takes a while, they process a break up differently.
So since he never felt the pain or loss, he never missed her because she was right there, his loyal friend. Wow, the best of both worlds. He can keep the old girlfriend as a friend and seek a new exciting romance with another. This happens almost every time you remain friends with an ex.
Look at it like this. He dumped you. He made his bed. Now there you are making it all comfortable for him. It's like giving him an extra pillow, extra blankets, making him warm and cozy in this new bed of freedom he made. Why on earth would he leave it and come back to you. He won't. This is no way to get your man back.
If a man dumps you but wants to remain friends or if you think being his friend will get him back, think again. It's like telling him it's fine to dump you, and it really isn't. He gave up the right to have you as a friend, he gave up all rights to you when he tossed your heart aside. He made his bed, if you want him back, let him lie in it and feel the loss completely. If you want him back, stay away from being his friend.
What you do and don't do after a break up is critical. If you want any snowballs chance of getting him back, you must read this. Bob Grant Ex Back.
I know a woman who insisted that if she remained friends with her ex, he would eventually see the error of his ways. He would realize how great she really was and come back to her. So they remained friends, for about 2 months that is. He felt comfortable that she was ok, and he moved forward with his life. Two months into this friendship, guess what? He is dating someone new and it seems pretty serious. Being his friend backfired, she didn't get her man back.
All this woman did was ease his transition and help him move forward easily. He never had the opportunity to miss her. He ended the romance, but she remained his friend, thus he never felt the loss. To get a man back, he has to feel the pain and the loss. This doesn't usually happen right away with men. It takes a while, they process a break up differently.
So since he never felt the pain or loss, he never missed her because she was right there, his loyal friend. Wow, the best of both worlds. He can keep the old girlfriend as a friend and seek a new exciting romance with another. This happens almost every time you remain friends with an ex.
Look at it like this. He dumped you. He made his bed. Now there you are making it all comfortable for him. It's like giving him an extra pillow, extra blankets, making him warm and cozy in this new bed of freedom he made. Why on earth would he leave it and come back to you. He won't. This is no way to get your man back.
If a man dumps you but wants to remain friends or if you think being his friend will get him back, think again. It's like telling him it's fine to dump you, and it really isn't. He gave up the right to have you as a friend, he gave up all rights to you when he tossed your heart aside. He made his bed, if you want him back, let him lie in it and feel the loss completely. If you want him back, stay away from being his friend.
What you do and don't do after a break up is critical. If you want any snowballs chance of getting him back, you must read this. Bob Grant Ex Back.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
No Contact
No contact removes the source of pain from your life and allows you to begin to heal. If you continue to communicate, you are going to have emotional turmoil and constant reminders. You are just prolonging the pain. Remember a time when you were single and happy. This time of no contact will allow you to regain your independence and be happy with you. It allows you to build your confidence back up. If you are seeking reconciliation, an unhappy, non confident person is useless to their partner.
No contact can serve another purpose if you are seeking reconciliation. It can send a wake up call to your ex and they make second guess their decision to end the relationship. While there are no guarantees that you will get your ex back, chances are better if you vanish from their life that they will miss you. Don't expect it to happen in a few days or even weeks, it takes time for an ex to evaluate the loss.
If you have an ex that wants to remain friends, chances are its because they don't want to lose you completely. Without no contact, rest assured that once your ex is back on their feet (because you helped them by offering your friendship) they will be on their way and your friendship will be non existent. No contact is a much smarter option than remaining friends. Being friends causes you pain and allows your ex to heal quicker. No contact causes your ex pain and allows you to heal quicker.
It is very important that once you make this decision to go into no contact that you stick to it. If you waver back and forth you are sending the signal to your ex that you are weak and are still available to them. They will not take you seriously. Sometimes a surprising thing comes out of no contact. Once they are out of your life and the healing begins, your emotions get under control and you see things differently. You may discover that they were not the one for you after all and that other more promising possibilities await you.
For the entire no contact plan click here.
No contact can serve another purpose if you are seeking reconciliation. It can send a wake up call to your ex and they make second guess their decision to end the relationship. While there are no guarantees that you will get your ex back, chances are better if you vanish from their life that they will miss you. Don't expect it to happen in a few days or even weeks, it takes time for an ex to evaluate the loss.
If you have an ex that wants to remain friends, chances are its because they don't want to lose you completely. Without no contact, rest assured that once your ex is back on their feet (because you helped them by offering your friendship) they will be on their way and your friendship will be non existent. No contact is a much smarter option than remaining friends. Being friends causes you pain and allows your ex to heal quicker. No contact causes your ex pain and allows you to heal quicker.
It is very important that once you make this decision to go into no contact that you stick to it. If you waver back and forth you are sending the signal to your ex that you are weak and are still available to them. They will not take you seriously. Sometimes a surprising thing comes out of no contact. Once they are out of your life and the healing begins, your emotions get under control and you see things differently. You may discover that they were not the one for you after all and that other more promising possibilities await you.
For the entire no contact plan click here.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
He Wants to Break Up - How to Handle It
Your high hopes have just been crushed. You loved being with him and now you are faced with being alone. What do you do? First off, no drama, keep a cool head. Easier said than done, but a cool head is one of your best weapons in getting though this when he says he wants to break up. When it's all said and done you will be so glad later that you remained calm. There is nothing worse than looking back and realizing you lost all of your dignity with your behavior in a break up.
Don't break down in front of him. This does not bring him back, it only makes you appear weak. A man will look back and respect the woman that held it together. The sobbing woman only appears pathetic and makes him uncomfortable because he knows he can't make her feel better. No begging or pleading or bombarding him with a million questions of what went wrong. You can't hold a man hostage to you when he wants to break up. Words will not get him back ever.
Don't listen to that advice of others that tell you to keep contact or remain friends. He gave up that right when he said he wanted to break up with you. If you remain friends with him, his transition becomes smoother and yours remains more difficult. When he says he wants to break up, let him go. Don't chase after him. Do you want a man who doesn't want you? You are worth way more than that. Chasing a man will not get him back.
A man does not define you. If he wants you or not does not determine your worth. You are the prize and if he gave you up, have the attitude that it's his loss. Pick yourself up and don't let him see you sweat. I know many a woman who has cried, begged and pleaded, only to regret it later on. You want his last memory of you to be one with your head held high and dignity intact.
That memory will come back to haunt him down the road. When you let him walk, and go into no contact, he very well may start wondering and miss you. When that time comes, do you want him to remember you with make up running all down your face or your head held high walking away gracefully. When a man wants to break up, believe him, and move forward to the best of your ability. How you handle it when he says he wants to break up can determine if he ever wants to come back to you or not.
Don't break down in front of him. This does not bring him back, it only makes you appear weak. A man will look back and respect the woman that held it together. The sobbing woman only appears pathetic and makes him uncomfortable because he knows he can't make her feel better. No begging or pleading or bombarding him with a million questions of what went wrong. You can't hold a man hostage to you when he wants to break up. Words will not get him back ever.
Don't listen to that advice of others that tell you to keep contact or remain friends. He gave up that right when he said he wanted to break up with you. If you remain friends with him, his transition becomes smoother and yours remains more difficult. When he says he wants to break up, let him go. Don't chase after him. Do you want a man who doesn't want you? You are worth way more than that. Chasing a man will not get him back.
A man does not define you. If he wants you or not does not determine your worth. You are the prize and if he gave you up, have the attitude that it's his loss. Pick yourself up and don't let him see you sweat. I know many a woman who has cried, begged and pleaded, only to regret it later on. You want his last memory of you to be one with your head held high and dignity intact.
That memory will come back to haunt him down the road. When you let him walk, and go into no contact, he very well may start wondering and miss you. When that time comes, do you want him to remember you with make up running all down your face or your head held high walking away gracefully. When a man wants to break up, believe him, and move forward to the best of your ability. How you handle it when he says he wants to break up can determine if he ever wants to come back to you or not.
Friday, October 15, 2010
How to Get Over the Last Man that Broke Your Heart
Below is an excerpt from Evan Marc Katz, the bomb in dating coaches.
If you've ever held onto a relationship for too long...
If you've ever been in love with a man who didn't love you in return...
If you've ever had that nagging thought, "How do I get him back?"...
This email is for you.
And if you want a deeper understanding of Why He Disappeared, please check out my eBook and watch years of pain dissipate within minutes:
Why He Disappeared!
I invite you to think of the last time you were emotionally invested in a man.
It could have been a promising prospect you met online, it could have been your boyfriend of five months, it could have been your fiancé.
The common denominator is that this man, who took your breath away and gave you hope, ultimately left you.
I know how it feels. Most people do. You stake your dreams on the integrity of your relationship, only to find out that he had eyes for someone else, that he had major issues with you, or that wasn't ready to commit to you.
This can be devastating. It can make you mistrustful. It can make you lose faith. It can stop you from dating entirely.
But the hardest part is how, far too often, you never quite get over him.
Because you weren't the one who ended things, your feelings remained as strong after you were dumped as they were before you were dumped. It makes perfect sense. He might have broken up with you, but that doesn't mean you love him any less.
This exact scenario happened recently with my client, Wanda, who was still recovering from a short relationship with a man she met on JDate.
They had gotten physical after 5 dates, took down their profiles, and gave an exclusive relationship a shot. Two and a half months later, he broke things off. Said he wasn't feeling what he thought he should be feeling. Said it wasn't her fault. Said he wanted to remain friends.
So Wanda has remained friends with her ex - and has remained in love with him as well.
Needless to say, it's extremely hard for her to move on. Every new man gets unfavorably compared to the ex. It's not that she's wrong; Wanda can't help herself. She felt that dizzy, passionate, "in love" feeling, and even though the ex is gone, the feeling still lingers.
But should it?
Hell, no!
Wanda's is wondering about how to get him back. She's hoping that their friendship turns back into a relationship. She's "dating" but not really giving herself to the process.
In other words, she is pining for the return of a man who does not love her unconditionally.
Talk about a bad plan. Then again, you've probably done the same thing. If you're still holding onto a man from your past, my eBook, Why He Disappeared will show you how to instantly let go:
Why He Disappeared!
But let me ask you: don't you think your future husband should love you unconditionally? Wouldn't you figure that this should be a pre-condition for any man who's going to spend his life with you? I sure do.
In fact, if I'm building the perfect man, I'm starting there and working backwards:
1. Most important quality: Loves you unconditionally. Will stick by you for richer and poorer, in sickness and in health, til death do you part.
2. Second most important quality: Everything else - height, weight, age, income, education, etc.
Yet all I hear about, over and over, is the amazing, tall, cute, sexy, charismatic, funny, successful guy who breaks your heart when he doesn't want to commit to you.
Well, guess what?
That guy SUCKS!
Your husband DOESN'T leave you.
Your boyfriend's willingness to leave you IS his fundamental flaw.
And you're holding onto an idealized image of him - hoping he comes back.
Why? So when you get him back, he STILL doesn't love you unconditionally?
Face it; your ex isn't as great as you think he is. It's not that he's not a great catch on paper. But in practice, he's a terrible life partner for you for one reason.
He was willing to let you go.
Now it's time for you to let him go.
Same thing with any man who broke your heart in the past. Let him go.
Only then can you open up to true love - the kind that endures forever.
Why He Disappeared!
If you've ever held onto a relationship for too long...
If you've ever been in love with a man who didn't love you in return...
If you've ever had that nagging thought, "How do I get him back?"...
This email is for you.
And if you want a deeper understanding of Why He Disappeared, please check out my eBook and watch years of pain dissipate within minutes:
Why He Disappeared!
I invite you to think of the last time you were emotionally invested in a man.
It could have been a promising prospect you met online, it could have been your boyfriend of five months, it could have been your fiancé.
The common denominator is that this man, who took your breath away and gave you hope, ultimately left you.
I know how it feels. Most people do. You stake your dreams on the integrity of your relationship, only to find out that he had eyes for someone else, that he had major issues with you, or that wasn't ready to commit to you.
This can be devastating. It can make you mistrustful. It can make you lose faith. It can stop you from dating entirely.
But the hardest part is how, far too often, you never quite get over him.
Because you weren't the one who ended things, your feelings remained as strong after you were dumped as they were before you were dumped. It makes perfect sense. He might have broken up with you, but that doesn't mean you love him any less.
This exact scenario happened recently with my client, Wanda, who was still recovering from a short relationship with a man she met on JDate.
They had gotten physical after 5 dates, took down their profiles, and gave an exclusive relationship a shot. Two and a half months later, he broke things off. Said he wasn't feeling what he thought he should be feeling. Said it wasn't her fault. Said he wanted to remain friends.
So Wanda has remained friends with her ex - and has remained in love with him as well.
Needless to say, it's extremely hard for her to move on. Every new man gets unfavorably compared to the ex. It's not that she's wrong; Wanda can't help herself. She felt that dizzy, passionate, "in love" feeling, and even though the ex is gone, the feeling still lingers.
But should it?
Hell, no!
Wanda's is wondering about how to get him back. She's hoping that their friendship turns back into a relationship. She's "dating" but not really giving herself to the process.
In other words, she is pining for the return of a man who does not love her unconditionally.
Talk about a bad plan. Then again, you've probably done the same thing. If you're still holding onto a man from your past, my eBook, Why He Disappeared will show you how to instantly let go:
Why He Disappeared!
But let me ask you: don't you think your future husband should love you unconditionally? Wouldn't you figure that this should be a pre-condition for any man who's going to spend his life with you? I sure do.
In fact, if I'm building the perfect man, I'm starting there and working backwards:
1. Most important quality: Loves you unconditionally. Will stick by you for richer and poorer, in sickness and in health, til death do you part.
2. Second most important quality: Everything else - height, weight, age, income, education, etc.
Yet all I hear about, over and over, is the amazing, tall, cute, sexy, charismatic, funny, successful guy who breaks your heart when he doesn't want to commit to you.
Well, guess what?
That guy SUCKS!
Your husband DOESN'T leave you.
Your boyfriend's willingness to leave you IS his fundamental flaw.
And you're holding onto an idealized image of him - hoping he comes back.
Why? So when you get him back, he STILL doesn't love you unconditionally?
Face it; your ex isn't as great as you think he is. It's not that he's not a great catch on paper. But in practice, he's a terrible life partner for you for one reason.
He was willing to let you go.
Now it's time for you to let him go.
Same thing with any man who broke your heart in the past. Let him go.
Only then can you open up to true love - the kind that endures forever.
Why He Disappeared!
Thursday, October 14, 2010
7 Break Up Mistakes You Don't Want to Make
When going through a break up, your emotions are on over drive and you just aren't logical. This is when women make critical mistakes in a break up. We often turn into crazy women and later on are appalled at our own behavior. Save yourself, don't make these mistakes.
1. Begging or trying to convince him to stay. This is so unattractive and you will look needy and pathetic. Keep your mouth shut.
2. Sleep with him. Biggest break up mistake of all. Don't do it girl, please. If he broke up with you, he gave up play ground rights in that instant. Don't let him see that he can still play, only now he can do it for free, he doesn't even have to take you to dinner.
3. Call him. This just gives you a short moment of instant gratification if you even get that. Chances are good he will not tell you what you are longing to hear and you will hurt worse after contact.
4. Staying in touch with mutual friends. Too much temptation and opportunity to find out what is going on in his life. Ignorance right now is bliss.
5. Holding on to his stuff. Pictures, letters, emails, etc..., are just reminders of what was, not what is. Remove these sources of pain. Have a bonfire, throw them in the trash.
6. Online Stalking. Stay away from Social Networking sites. Way too much anguish here. Out of sight, out of mind really, in time that is. This is self destructive behavior at it's finest. Don make this break up mistake.
7. Jumping into a new relationship. You aren't emotionally stable enough to maintain a healthy relationship. He would just be a rebound.
It doesn't matter if you want your ex back or if you just want to heal. Regardless of your desires, none of the above will gain you either. You ex will not see you in a positive light. More than this though,you will eventually feel you have lost your dignity. You want to handle a break up with your pride and dignity in tact.
1. Begging or trying to convince him to stay. This is so unattractive and you will look needy and pathetic. Keep your mouth shut.
2. Sleep with him. Biggest break up mistake of all. Don't do it girl, please. If he broke up with you, he gave up play ground rights in that instant. Don't let him see that he can still play, only now he can do it for free, he doesn't even have to take you to dinner.
3. Call him. This just gives you a short moment of instant gratification if you even get that. Chances are good he will not tell you what you are longing to hear and you will hurt worse after contact.
4. Staying in touch with mutual friends. Too much temptation and opportunity to find out what is going on in his life. Ignorance right now is bliss.
5. Holding on to his stuff. Pictures, letters, emails, etc..., are just reminders of what was, not what is. Remove these sources of pain. Have a bonfire, throw them in the trash.
6. Online Stalking. Stay away from Social Networking sites. Way too much anguish here. Out of sight, out of mind really, in time that is. This is self destructive behavior at it's finest. Don make this break up mistake.
7. Jumping into a new relationship. You aren't emotionally stable enough to maintain a healthy relationship. He would just be a rebound.
It doesn't matter if you want your ex back or if you just want to heal. Regardless of your desires, none of the above will gain you either. You ex will not see you in a positive light. More than this though,you will eventually feel you have lost your dignity. You want to handle a break up with your pride and dignity in tact.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
10 Positive Signs Your Ex Wants You Back
In some break ups it's best to count your losses and move on. Other break ups though seem so pointless. You want your ex back and you are hoping the ex feels the same. Below are some sure signs your ex wants you back and is feeling the same way as you.
1. He shows up at places you used to go to as a couple. If he was truly over you, he would avoid these places at all costs.
2. His Facebook status has some not so up beat status comments. He may be quoting things of a more serious nature. If he is doing this, more than likely he is thinking about your lost relationship
3. He finds excuses to contact you. He saw something that reminded him of you or came across something he thought you would like etc.. This is a sign he doesn't want to let go and your ex wants you back.
4. Steers the conversation to your break up. Openly discusses the issue.
5. Stays in contact with your friends. Asks your friends questions about you and what you are up to.
6. Your ex wants you back if he is probing into who you are seeing, if you are dating.
7. If he starts taking a sudden interest in activities that interest you your ex wants you back. This is a sure sign your ex wants you back
8. He lingers on the phone or hangs around longer than needed in person
9. He talks about his personal accomplishments or ways he is improving. He is trying to impress you.
10. He still uses terms of endearment, like Baby, Honey, Sweetie, etc...
The above signs are not guaranteed. There is always a possibility that he may just want to keep you around for comforts sake or out of habit. If he is however, showing any of the above signs, there is hope.
Getting an ex back is tricky. You need to have a plan and not be winging this. It's important to know how the male mind processes a break up. It's also important that you not let your emotions rule you during this time. A level head and a good plan of action is crucial if you really want to get your ex back
Learn how men process a break up and how he thinks and put your plan in action before it's too late, before he moves on. For more break up advice and getting your ex back techniques click here.
1. He shows up at places you used to go to as a couple. If he was truly over you, he would avoid these places at all costs.
2. His Facebook status has some not so up beat status comments. He may be quoting things of a more serious nature. If he is doing this, more than likely he is thinking about your lost relationship
3. He finds excuses to contact you. He saw something that reminded him of you or came across something he thought you would like etc.. This is a sign he doesn't want to let go and your ex wants you back.
4. Steers the conversation to your break up. Openly discusses the issue.
5. Stays in contact with your friends. Asks your friends questions about you and what you are up to.
6. Your ex wants you back if he is probing into who you are seeing, if you are dating.
7. If he starts taking a sudden interest in activities that interest you your ex wants you back. This is a sure sign your ex wants you back
8. He lingers on the phone or hangs around longer than needed in person
9. He talks about his personal accomplishments or ways he is improving. He is trying to impress you.
10. He still uses terms of endearment, like Baby, Honey, Sweetie, etc...
The above signs are not guaranteed. There is always a possibility that he may just want to keep you around for comforts sake or out of habit. If he is however, showing any of the above signs, there is hope.
Getting an ex back is tricky. You need to have a plan and not be winging this. It's important to know how the male mind processes a break up. It's also important that you not let your emotions rule you during this time. A level head and a good plan of action is crucial if you really want to get your ex back
Learn how men process a break up and how he thinks and put your plan in action before it's too late, before he moves on. For more break up advice and getting your ex back techniques click here.
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