Should I Take Him Back

If you have just been through a break up and your ex is making some positive movement in your direction, you may be asking yourself should I take him back. I hope you are asking yourself this at the least. If there was a break up, chances are there is something that isn't right. It would be a book if I listed them all here. I simply can't do that, but I can give some direction when deciding if you should get back with your ex or not.

My motto is actions actions actions. So many times women take their ex back because he said the right words. Words are nothing. Any man can tell you what you want to hear. To a broken heart the words are like a soothing ointment. In reality though, the words often only act as a band aid. They don't really heal the actual wound. I did this once upon a time. I took a man back simply because he showed up on my doorstep professing his love and fear of losing me. It lasted less than 30 days and here is why.

He had broken up with me. I didn't make him work for it. He told me what my bleeding heart was longing to hear and I jumped right back in. The loss of me had not really had time to sink into his head. He didn't really feel it. I didn't wait for him to show me with actions how sincere he was. At the moment, I am postive he was sincere and he even believed it. When they show you with their actions and not just words, not only are they convincing you that they truly do want you back, but they are convincing themselves.

Making him work with actions is no game. You deserve to know how much he really values you and you simply won't know this with words. Sure you can go ahead and take him back and hope for the best, but wouldn't it be so much better to just know? Long term satisfaction over instant gratification? If you get back together with your ex I assume you want it to be better than before.

Men are much like toddlers. They want what they want when they want it. Give a toddler a new toy because he asked for it and within the hour, it will be cast aside. Men do value what they work hardest for. Think about men and their cars. A car he bought out of necessity for a few hundred, over a car he worked hard to save for and still makes the payments for it. I guarantee he will treat the car he worked for with care. He is proud. They really are very similar with women. Ever heard a man tell a story about how he worked for his current partner of wife? They stand taller, talk louder and almost strut when talking about it. It's a lasting impression to say the least.

I am sure you may worry what if he doesn't put in the effort to win me back. If he isn't willing to put in what it takes to get you back, chances are good this is a man you should not get back together with. If he gives up when his lip service doesn't get him what he wants, do you really want a man like this? A man that doesn't see your value will not make a good life partner no matter how you look at it.

There is a true story HERE of a woman who has went down this road and didn't take him back right away. I know if you are hurting you want results now and getting back together may be all you can think of. This is not a minor decision and shouldn't be jumped into. It's something you and he both need to be sure of. It hurts far worse the second time you break up than the first, you can trust me on this one. Get it right the first time. If you want your ex back, watch for actions actions actions. Nothing else will do.

He Said He Misses Me and Wants Me Back

I got an email the other day from a woman who had an ex boyfriend that kept contacting her.  He had dumped her, but now was all crying about how bad he missed her.  She wanted him back but was still having doubts if she she should take him back or not.  If you have never been through this, let me tell you, the second dumping is worse than the first.  So yes, she should be cautious.

Before you take him back it would serve you well to find out if this is just coming from a place of selfishness or if he genuinely loves you and wants you back for the right reasons.  If his reasons aren't true, it will end again.  The term I miss you really is a selfish remark.  Especially if the one saying it is the one that caused the other a great deal of pain.  The words coming out of his mouth if it's true will be more about you and less about him.  He will not be focused on how he misses you, he will be focused on how he hurt you and in making it up to you.

So just because a guy stays in contact and says he misses you does not mean he will make a good partner if you get back together.  The opposite would hold true actually.  If he has hurt you and you take him back with a few sweet words, it tells him it's not really a big deal to hurt you again.  You are laying a foundation for a shaky reunion.

I am convinced after story after story of break ups that land in my inbox that the only way to make it work the second time around is no contact.  For both parties.  He needs to feel the loss, he really does. You need to take this time to find the value of your heart.  He won't appreciate you the second time around if he doesn't feel the value of your heart.  He won't know it if you don't show him.  Surely your heart is worth more than a few I miss yous is it not?

It would help if you could really understand him and why he disappeared in the first place would it not?  Take your time girl. 

My Ex Boyfriend Sends Mixed Signals

When and ex boyfriend sends you mixed signals, it often leaves you confused.  You may think he wants me back often.  It causes you to analyze and you are left guessing.  Sometimes though they really aren't meaning to send mixed signals.  We just refuse to see what these signals really mean.  It's the hope we have, the not letting go that causes us to sometimes misinterpet these signals.  Let me give you some examples.

One woman asked me this question.  She said my ex still texts with me, does this mean he wants me back.  She was actually doing the initiating most of the time.  He would reply.  This is not a mixed signal.  It does not mean he is thinking of reconcilliation.  What he is likely thinking is what is the best way to not upset her.  He doesn't want to upset you further because he fears drama or you going into a feelings conversation or asking him a million questions that he just doesn't want to answer.  If he replies rudely, you are upset, if he doesn't reply, you are upset.  Lesser of 4 evils or either he wants to keep you as an option.

If he is still having sex with you. If he calls you up with that missing you line and asks you over then after it's all said and done you are still broken up, you may feel like this is a mixed signal from your ex boyfriend.  You may think he was so wonderful and it seemed so great, how can he just cut it on and off.  You feel confused and this appears to be a mixed signal.  It's not.  If you are going to allow him to have his cake and eat it too, why would he refuse?  If you want your ex boyfriend back, don't let this happen.  Ex boyfriends get lonely too.

To be to the point here sometimes the nicer they are to you, the less your chances are at getting your ex boyfriend back.  If he reacts in anger towards you in time your chances may be better.  If he is angry understand anger is an emotion out of passion.  Him being nice shows no passion and should not be taken as a mixed signal or a sign that your ex boyfriend wants you back.  He could be simply avoiding drama or keeping you as an option.  If you want your ex boyfriend back stop guessing and put a plan in action.

Man Mistake Eraser

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5 Things Your Ex Does to Make You Think He Wants You Back

1. He says he still wants to be friends. This is not a sign he wants you back. This is a let you down gently line and he may truly want to remain friends. It's manspeak however for I am no longer attracted to you, therefore I see you more as a friend than a lover. If you want him back, being his friend is the most counter productive thing you can do to get him back. Remain his friend and watch him transition and move onto another woman sooner rather than later.
2. He returns your texts or calls. What are his choices if you call or text. A) He can ignore you, which he knows will hurt you. B) He can be rude to you, which he also knows will hurt you. He chooses the lesser of two evils to avoid hurting you further. He isn't thinking of the hope he is giving you. He is more concerned with picking the choice that will cause him the least amount of drama.
3. He agrees to a closure conversation. Although nice of him and count your blessings, many don't get this, it is not a sign your ex wants you back. It's a sign he may be a decent man again wanting to let you down gently. He prepares for this conversation. He knows he will get a million questions starting with why. He agrees to it hoping that it will help you to let him go. He gets tired of feeling guilty. Guilt will not get your ex back, I promise.
4. He will still have sex with you. This one is self explanatory. Men will still have sex with you. They can have sex and still not want to be in a relationship with you. Sex is just sex. If you still allow your ex to have sex with you after he broke up with you, you again are killing your chances of ever getting him back. Sex does not keep a man. He will continue to do so until he finds a replacement. You are allowing him to have his cake and eat it too and hurting yourself in the process.
5. He stares at you if you run into him out. This is the craziest one of all yet also the most common. A look is not a sign your ex wants you back. It's your analytical mind attempting to fabricate hope. I have stared at my ex before as well, wondering what on earth was I thinking. I didn't want him back. Why would I stare at him if I wanted him back, I would do something, not stare. Also be sure he isn't looking at the game on TV above your head if you are in a sports bar.

If you want your ex back, that is fine and well and I hope that it works out for you. Your best bet though is to stop wasting your time looking for signs. If you have to search for signs that he wants you back, that means that his intentions aren't clear. If you are looking for something, it means it is hidden. A man that wants you back will not keep his intentions hidden.

Stop looking at false signs if you want him back. That's precious time you are wasting if you want to get on with your life and also time wasted if you do want him back. Get a plan that works to get your ex back here.  My ex used these techniques on me and we are now living together happily.

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If It Wern't for My Ex Boyfriend Dumping Me......

I would not be on the path I am on.  Sure I went through the crying, depression, not wanting to get out of bed.  I wondered "why", countless times.  I lost a ton of weight.  I was angry and hurt.  I wanted him back.  I even got him back once, but alas, he dumped me a second time.  This weighed heavy on my ego to say the least.  Being dumped is a knock down, I don't care who you are. 

Looking back, I wouldn't change a thing.  The break up set my life as I know it now in motion.  I had to call upon great inner strength and self control many a days.  Though it was no fun, it was nice to again meet that strength, and an inspiration to keep me going that I did have a lot of strength.  Learning self control has turned out to be a great blessing that has carried to other parts of my life in a good way.  Had my ex boyfriend stayed, this would have remained stagnant in me for who knows how long.

These last 3 years have been the most exciting in my life so far.  I had a whirl wind romance and landed in Vegas.  I met 4 complete stangers (women) in Atlantic and New York City for 5 days.  I met them online in a break up forum.  I had a bitter sweet e-affair that I will never forget.  He taught me so much or rather I learned so much from him.  I went on countless dates with interesting men that better helped me decide what I do want in a relationship, really want.  I have had weekends at the beach with my best girlfriends.  I have connected with amazing people every where.  I can't help but wonder if I had stayed with my ex boyfriend if any of this would have transpired.  I think I know the answer to that.

In the process of it all, my career path changed as well.  I had always been in the cooperate world.  I begin to like my freedom, even embraced it in time.  I wanted it in all areas of my life, and I wanted to do something worth while.  Hence now I write articles on break ups, relationships, dating, flirting, you name it.  I like to think I am making a difference and earning a modest living in the process.  I am very very happy doing what I do.  My ex boyfriend would have thought I was crazy.  I was dabbling with it when we broke up.  Would I have stopped it all for him, shiver to think this.

Last but not least, I have a man in my life that supports me in all I do.  He is my cheerleader.  Had it not been for my ex boyfriend, I would have missed him in my life. 

Moral here.  What seems like hopelessness and despair really isn't.  There is a much bigger picture, a much bigger plan and it's way bigger than your ex boyfriend.  Embrace your freedom, doors are waiting to be opened now.  There is life after what's his name, I promise.

My Ex Won't Talk To Me

If you boyfriend just broke up with you and won't talk to you, it's not really abnormal.  If you know he won't talk to you, then it goes to assume you have tried to talk to him.  Maybe you called, maybe you texted and he won't answer.  Maybe you even show up where he is at.  The point is though, he isn't talking to you for a reason.

Part of it may be guilt.  He knows he hurt you and he feels bad, but it's not much point in talking if he can't make you feel better.  He knows if he says something to ease your pain, it will give you false hope and open him up to more questions from you.  Those why questions that you know you have and that you want answers to.  He doesn't really have answers, not answers that would calm you.  Maybe he wants to date others or see if the grass is greener on the other side.  Maybe he thinks you are too much drama.  To tell a woman the truth means more than likely she will freak and ask more questions or become angry.  If he won't talk to you, more than likely he fears your reaction.  He doesn't want a hysterical crying woman on his hands.  Men don't do well with this at all.

If you want to talk to him, your best bet is to wait.  By waiting, it appears that you are calm and he may feel safer later on to talk to you.  He doesn't feel safe at the moment.  He isn't ready to talk about it at the moment.  To push the issue will only drive him further away and decrease your chances of getting back together down to practically zero.  If you keep calling or texting him, you may very well be validating the reason he broke up with you in the first place.  He now feels completely responsible for your unhappiness.  Men don't want to be responsible for your happiness or unhappiness. 

When dealing with an ex, remember these wise words, men respond to distance, not words.  Bob Grant.

Man Mistake Eraser