If you Just Got Dumped

Break ups suck.  If you are going through one, well my heart goes out to you.  I read two e-books that really put it all into perspective and gave me peace of mind. I will share them with you.  Also there is a break up support group here and it is absolutely free.  365daysoflove

Get Your Ex Back


Why He Disappeared

Getting Over a Break Up Support

If your boyfriend just broke up with you, you are probably just a hot mess. You can't sleep, you can't eat and you are just miserable. The same thoughts keep running through your mind over and over. You replay the last days, weeks and even months over and over in your mind, driving yourself crazy. Getting over a break up is so exhausting and painful.

Your friends have probably heard enough. True they are there for you and it's all great, but you know and they know you sound like a broken record. You keep asking why and you enlist their help to help you understand it all. You sometimes feel you will never be getting over a break up.

Thing is, you still don't understand it all. There are nights you are probably all alone with nothing but your thoughts to drive you crazy. You hate to call someone up because you know at this point, you suck at conversation. Where can you go, what can you do.

This happened to me in June of 2009. I landed on a women's forum. I read for a while, then I joined and started posting. I created a thread there called No Contact Support. Hundreds of women joined me there. The forum was recently shut down. Another heart break for me. I was shut off from all of those fabulous women who now could use my knowledge on getting over a break up.

I couldn't stand it, I created my own site with a forum so that I could continue the over 12,000 posts. I contacted all of the ladies and they followed me. When you are getting over a break up, you don't have to go at it alone. We are here.

If you are looking for a place to land and some fabulous support from women who have and still are going through what you are going through, please join us here. We would welcome you, comfort you and listen to you ask why over and over with no complaints. We would love to have you. You can find it here. We will take you beyond the break up.

My Boyfriend Broke Up With Me But He Keeps Calling and Texting

Oh the agony, when a boyfriend broke up with you but still texts and calls. It leaves you in limbo land. It gives you hope. It makes you think he misses you and may be thinking of getting back together.

It's pretty common though when a boyfriend breaks up to try to remain in contact with you. It's his way of easing his guilt. It's also a way of easing his pain. He does probably feel some pain, and by talking and communicating with you, it soothes him, yet he doesn't have to get back together.

Not fair at all is it. While you are easing his pain, you are also making your boyfriend's transition into the single life easier. He doesn't have to feel the loss of you all at one time. He can ease in, like you ease into a cold body of water.

Everytime you talk to him, it leaves you feeling empty and helpless. You don't know to be sad or glad. He talked to you so he must be thinking about you, but yet he makes no moves to get back together. This is just prolonging your healing and makiing your transitiion harder.

If you want to get him back, talking to him isn't going to do it. That's like him telling you "I promised you an entire chocolate cake, but it turns out all I have to give is crumbs". By accepting his crumbs you are telling him it's okay, you will settle for less when you really want more.

This will not get him back. To get him back you have to tap into his pain. He has to feel it. By talking to him, you buffer his pain. He moves forward and he has you to talk to when he is lonely and bored.

There are ways to tap into his pain, there are ways to rekindle his love and get him back. One of the best plans that I have followed with success is here.

If Your Boyfriend Wants to Take a Break

First off it your guy says he wants a break, chances are good something isn't feeling right. It could be a number of things. He may feel smothered, he may feel you are clinging too tightly. If your guy wants a break though, first thing you have to do is gracefully give it to him. You don't want to bombard him with questions like why, how long, etc...

If you bombard him with questions, and hold on tighter, well he is going to see you as clingy. This just reinforces why he probably wants the break in the first place. Asking questions just pushes him away. It offers him reinforcement of why he wants to take a break.

Another thing that asking questions such as "How long of a break do you need?", you are showing yourself in an unfavorable light and yes you just may lose him forever. This lets him know for sure that you will do anything to keep him and he has the power in the relationship and has full say in dictating the terms of your relationship.

When your boyfriend wants a break, why should you be the one sitting and waiting for him to make up his mind? It's really not fair to you. Think about this. Have you ever decided you wanted to break up with a guy before, but were riddled with guilt so you let him down gently. You yourself may have said those words, I need a break, just to buy yourself some time to figure out how to dump him and feel less guilt. More times than not, this is exactly what is happening.

If you want to reverse this break up in the makings, you have to let him go. No pleading, begging, asking why why why. This just shows insecurity and kills what little attraction he has left for you. You tell him you understand and will respect his wishes, but aren't comfortable in limbo land and that you too will take advantage of the break to decide what you want as well.

Talk about turning the tables. Now who is drifting out of reach? You are. This does a strange thing to a man. It earns his respect and often after a few weeks, he starts to wonder what you are doing and why all of a sudden you are alright without him. It earns his respect because you put your own well being before his.

There is nothing more of a burden to a man than you putting him first. It's really a turn off for a man, he sees you as a doormat. This puts the responsibility of your happiness on him and it's really just too much. If you have made a man the center of your universe, it's no wonder he wants a break.

Bottom line here, let him take his break and you take yours. Respect his request, because if you don't, in a way you are telling him you really don't care what he wants, it's all about what you want. This is disrespectful when you really think about it. If your boyfriend wants to take a break, don't waste your time using words to stop him. Men just don't respond to words. It's actions and distance that melts the ice in their heart.

If your boyfriend wants a break, chances really are more likely that he is thinking of permanent. A committed man will not leave you to take a break. If he wants a break, more often that not a break up is about to follow. Get ready girl.

To turn this break around and not lose your man, it's critical to be prepared. If you don't want to lose him to another or forever, get your plan together now.

If You Want Him Back - Why You Can't Be His Friend

If your man just broke up with you, the missing him is agonizing. You just want to talk to him, hear his voice. You will settle for a friendly talk just to ease your pain. First off contact with an ex is detrimental to ever getting back together, but that is another topic. If you talk to him, be his friend, you are actually easing his transition and making yours harder. If you want him back, you must not be his friend now let me explain why.

I know a woman who insisted that if she remained friends with her ex, he would eventually see the error of his ways. He would realize how great she really was and come back to her. So they remained friends, for about 2 months that is. He felt comfortable that she was ok, and he moved forward with his life. Two months into this friendship, guess what? He is dating someone new and it seems pretty serious. Being his friend backfired, she didn't get her man back.

All this woman did was ease his transition and help him move forward easily. He never had the opportunity to miss her. He ended the romance, but she remained his friend, thus he never felt the loss. To get a man back, he has to feel the pain and the loss. This doesn't usually happen right away with men. It takes a while, they process a break up differently.

So since he never felt the pain or loss, he never missed her because she was right there, his loyal friend. Wow, the best of both worlds. He can keep the old girlfriend as a friend and seek a new exciting romance with another. This happens almost every time you remain friends with an ex.

Look at it like this. He dumped you. He made his bed. Now there you are making it all comfortable for him. It's like giving him an extra pillow, extra blankets, making him warm and cozy in this new bed of freedom he made. Why on earth would he leave it and come back to you. He won't. This is no way to get your man back.

If a man dumps you but wants to remain friends or if you think being his friend will get him back, think again. It's like telling him it's fine to dump you, and it really isn't. He gave up the right to have you as a friend, he gave up all rights to you when he tossed your heart aside. He made his bed, if you want him back, let him lie in it and feel the loss completely. If you want him back, stay away from being his friend.

What you do and don't do after a break up is critical. If you want any snowballs chance of getting him back, you must read this. Bob Grant Ex Back.

No Contact

No contact removes the source of pain from your life and allows you to begin to heal. If you continue to communicate, you are going to have emotional turmoil and constant reminders. You are just prolonging the pain. Remember a time when you were single and happy. This time of no contact will allow you to regain your independence and be happy with you. It allows you to build your confidence back up. If you are seeking reconciliation, an unhappy, non confident person is useless to their partner.

No contact can serve another purpose if you are seeking reconciliation. It can send a wake up call to your ex and they make second guess their decision to end the relationship. While there are no guarantees that you will get your ex back, chances are better if you vanish from their life that they will miss you. Don't expect it to happen in a few days or even weeks, it takes time for an ex to evaluate the loss.

If you have an ex that wants to remain friends, chances are its because they don't want to lose you completely. Without no contact, rest assured that once your ex is back on their feet (because you helped them by offering your friendship) they will be on their way and your friendship will be non existent. No contact is a much smarter option than remaining friends. Being friends causes you pain and allows your ex to heal quicker. No contact causes your ex pain and allows you to heal quicker.

It is very important that once you make this decision to go into no contact that you stick to it. If you waver back and forth you are sending the signal to your ex that you are weak and are still available to them. They will not take you seriously. Sometimes a surprising thing comes out of no contact. Once they are out of your life and the healing begins, your emotions get under control and you see things differently. You may discover that they were not the one for you after all and that other more promising possibilities await you.

For the entire no contact plan click here.

He Wants to Break Up - How to Handle It

Your high hopes have just been crushed. You loved being with him and now you are faced with being alone. What do you do? First off, no drama, keep a cool head. Easier said than done, but a cool head is one of your best weapons in getting though this when he says he wants to break up. When it's all said and done you will be so glad later that you remained calm. There is nothing worse than looking back and realizing you lost all of your dignity with your behavior in a break up.

Don't break down in front of him. This does not bring him back, it only makes you appear weak. A man will look back and respect the woman that held it together. The sobbing woman only appears pathetic and makes him uncomfortable because he knows he can't make her feel better. No begging or pleading or bombarding him with a million questions of what went wrong. You can't hold a man hostage to you when he wants to break up. Words will not get him back ever.

Don't listen to that advice of others that tell you to keep contact or remain friends. He gave up that right when he said he wanted to break up with you. If you remain friends with him, his transition becomes smoother and yours remains more difficult. When he says he wants to break up, let him go. Don't chase after him. Do you want a man who doesn't want you? You are worth way more than that. Chasing a man will not get him back.

A man does not define you. If he wants you or not does not determine your worth. You are the prize and if he gave you up, have the attitude that it's his loss. Pick yourself up and don't let him see you sweat. I know many a woman who has cried, begged and pleaded, only to regret it later on. You want his last memory of you to be one with your head held high and dignity intact.

That memory will come back to haunt him down the road. When you let him walk, and go into no contact, he very well may start wondering and miss you. When that time comes, do you want him to remember you with make up running all down your face or your head held high walking away gracefully. When a man wants to break up, believe him, and move forward to the best of your ability. How you handle it when he says he wants to break up can determine if he ever wants to come back to you or not.