Thursday, February 20, 2014
Friday, January 10, 2014
Does No Contact Work Getting Your Ex Back
Does no contact work in getting your ex back? Let me just say this. There is no guarantee that no contact will get your ex back, but it sure will increase your odds. It also beats the alternative risk of coming across as an emotional desperate wreck with no control over herself or her emotions that calls and texts him wanting to talk or begging for closure or reassurance.
When a guy first breaks up with you, your emotions are all over the place. You can't make good decisions from a place of emotions. They get in the way. You do and say things that you regret. You come across in an unattractive light. This turns him off. He is more likely to feel pity than love and I know you don't want that.
No contact gives you time to get your head together and gain some balance. A guy will notice your absence as well. No contact gives him the space to miss you and to think about you. If you keep after him by remaining in contact, he may only think about how annoying you are.
If you want your ex back, no contact really is your best bet. In the beginning, he is likely to remember more of the bad things in your relationship. Over time, it's been proven, people start to remember the good. Give him the space to do so.
The absolute very best resource on no contact is available by Bob Grant. He explains exactly how no contact works and explains how it can get your ex back. You can download it here.
Monday, November 11, 2013
A letter to My Ex! Before You Send It, Read Mine!
Here is my letter to my ex, that of course I won't send, but writing it is therapeutic.
Dear Ex Lover,
It was not an easy decision to end our relationship. Even as I spoke the words to you, I still had my doubts. Am I doing the right thing? Hurting you like this was not a decision that I took lightly, as I still have love for you in my heart.
I asked you for space many times before this break up. Out of your fear, fear of losing me, you grasped hold of me tighter, not giving me that space. You claimed this was because you love me, but it felt a lot like fear to me. So I broke up with you. Even when I did it, at that time, I wasn't sure it would be permanent. I felt that we did still have a chance in time.
So as the weeks went by, instead of accepting my decision, you fought it tooth and nail. I began to dread waking up to your emails. All I could see in your words was your bleeding heart. I understand that you are hurt. Your contact was a constant reminder of the pain I had caused you. All of those questions that you wanted answered right then and there that I wasn't ready to answer. Why couldn't you just wait until our emotions were more under control? Things might be different now had you not pushed so hard.
You wouldn't stop. You found excuses to come over. You left something, you had something of mine to return. Every time it wasn't about that at all, and the conversation always turned back to us. Constant reminders of all the negatives and the reasons I broke up with you in the first place.
Then the emails. Was I seeing anyone. Could we still have sex. How could I just turn off feelings. You began placing blame and guilt. Did it ease your pain? It became a constant battle for you to try to control the outcome to what you want, with no consideration for what I want. It began to feel like control and manipulation.
The more you pushed, the more defensive I became. The more you tried to talk it out, the less I wanted to. It was emotionally exhausting trying to make you feel better when it simply just wasn't in my power to do so. I finally put my own sanity and well being first and did the ultimate and blocked all of your means of communication. It didn't have to be this way.
Your constant contact just reinforced all the reasons I broke up with you. There were times I would be laying in bed at night, missing you something fierce. Wondering if I did the right thing. Then I wake up to a slew of emails with you again pushing me and I remember why I broke up with you in the first place. Pushing me to reconsider. Telling me how you loved me. The worst part was sharing your conclusions about how I had no heart and how cold I was. You were making assumptions that I know weren't true. Probably trying to find your own justifications for the demise of our love.
I couldn't even have time to miss you, for you were always there, reminding me. I began to see that I had the power of your happiness in my hands and that my dear is too big of a burden for anyone to carry.
Had you given me time to heal and do some soul searching, things might have turned out differently. Instead, you just confirmed for me that I made the right decision with your constant contact and disrespect of my boundaries. It felt to me like you were trying to get something from me that I wasn't ready or willing to give at the moment. It just doesn't work that way.
Your lack of self control during this critical time for us did not make me want you back, quite the opposite.
So I shake myself off and keep moving forward in my life without you.
Sincerely,
Your ex.
So moral of this story, if you are thinking of sending the letter to my ex, think twice. If he or she has broken up with you and is not at this moment trying to reconcile, you bleeding your heart out will not help. Give he or she space and time. Call upon your self control. People can get back together, but it's not going to happen today more than likely. It takes time for people to heal, emotions to calm.
I know of a woman who recently reconciled with her ex after a year of no contact. They had time to evaluate the depth of their love. Had they rehashed it over and over in the beginning, too much damage would be done to be able to go back and fix the broken relationship.The time apart gave them both space to heal and grow.
Banner:
Monday, January 9, 2012
Texting Your Ex
Also if you are texting you ex, chances are good you are doing two things. One, acting from a place of emotion. This is never a good idea. If you are hurting, you really can't trust your emotions. They will lead you astray almost every time.
Second, you are trying to control the outcome more than likely. You are sittiing there, unable to think of little else and just looking for a good excuse to make contact. There really is no good excuse. You can't control his reaction to your text and chances are good that you may feel worse with the outcome you get. He may not reply. He may reply with just one word or be short. Neither of these bring him back and neither of these lessen your pain so why do it?
The best time to text your ex is after some time has went by. A few weeks at the bare minimum. This way he has had time to miss you. He has had time to calm down. Men in time do tend to remember the good over the bad. If you over reacted during your break up, it gives him time to clear that unattractive memory of you with little dignity.
Text You Ex Back
Friday, December 16, 2011
Should I Text My Ex
Should I Text My Ex Boyfriend
If you are going to text your ex, timing is everything. Do it too soon and you may very well kill any chances of reconciliation. It may put pressure on him and pressure does not endear you to a man. He may feel guilt. If you want an ex back, causing him to feel negative feeling won't do it. It's best to wait after a break up to text him and I don't mean a day or two. I mean weeks. Give your emotions and his time to cool down. Texting him when emotions are high will only make matters worse.
If you do wait and text him, it's important to know what to text him to rekindle those old feelings of when things were good. Men really do remember the good times over the bad time after some time has passed. If you text the wrong thing, you may just be handing him a reminder that yes he did the right thing by ending it. It's critical that when you text him it's not to talk about the relationship or what went wrong. There are right and wrong things to say in a text. Say the wrong thing and he may not even answer. Ouch. Say the right thing though and you can very likely open back up the communication.
If you are texting him in order to get answers or just to reach out and touch him, step away from the phone. This does not get him back. This is you wanting to feel better. You are hurting and your ego needs validation. The opposite is very likely to occur should you text your ex. He may not answer. He may answer and be very brief. Chances are good if you text him too soon and too much, you will do more harm than good.
There are ways to text your ex. I have heard some even say that if you do it right, you can text your ex back with the right timing and the right text messages.
5 Signs He Is Going To Break Up
It's scary, when you feel your boyfriend growing distant. You begin to worry is he going to break up with me. There are signs that he may in fact be losing that loving feeling.
1. You gut is your first sign. If you sense something is wrong and it persists for more than a couple of days, this is your very first sign. Listen to your gut, it's usually right.
2. His texting and calling become more infrequent. Maybe he used to text you every morning and he suddenly stops.
3. He is doing more and more with his buddies and doesn't include you.
4. He breaks dates. Says he is tired or stressed or some other excuse.
5. He is short when he does call. Maybe there are long moments of silence. He gets off the phone fast.
These are just a few signs and if you are seeing them, get prepared and find out how to win him back if he does leave. There are many things you could do if not prepared that will just push him further away. Becoming emotional and crying, calling and texting obsessively will not get him to stay.
Prevention is the key. Don't hold on tighter, it only makes him want to run faster.
1. You gut is your first sign. If you sense something is wrong and it persists for more than a couple of days, this is your very first sign. Listen to your gut, it's usually right.
2. His texting and calling become more infrequent. Maybe he used to text you every morning and he suddenly stops.
3. He is doing more and more with his buddies and doesn't include you.
4. He breaks dates. Says he is tired or stressed or some other excuse.
5. He is short when he does call. Maybe there are long moments of silence. He gets off the phone fast.
These are just a few signs and if you are seeing them, get prepared and find out how to win him back if he does leave. There are many things you could do if not prepared that will just push him further away. Becoming emotional and crying, calling and texting obsessively will not get him to stay.
Prevention is the key. Don't hold on tighter, it only makes him want to run faster.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Why did He Come In My Life?
I get a lot of emails from a lot of women asking me this question. Why did he come into my life? These are women who are struggling through a break up and letting go. They have so many whys but the Why did he come into my life to just leave me is a big one. Here is my answer to the latest. I hope it helps. She asked specifically:
Don't all exes come back at some point? I can't let go because I didn't get closure with him. Why did the Universe send this man into my life?
To teach you how to let go. To teach you that letting go isn't an end but a beginning. To prepare you for your next love or a greater life purpose. The reasons he is or was in your life are unnumbered.
No not all exes come back. I have one that I love dearly, it's been 3 years. Sure I have seen and talked to him, but he never came back.
Closure can not come from a man, it comes from inside you. Funny, just recently the man I just knew was the man for me that would never step up recently mailed me with all of his regrets and apologies. I always thought that would make me feel better, give me closure, but it didn't. They are just words, words that just confirmed to me that is all it ever was. Words. Without actions and forward movement, they mean very little.
Here is some tough love for you. All those reasons you just gave for not letting go are excuses. They hold you prisoner. If you met someone tomorrow that blew your socks off, you would make time and room. You have time to ponder over this man that isn't or hasn't been present in your life in a long time. Imagine how your life would expand if you invested that energy into something or someone that could give back to you that which you long for.
Invest that energy into you, deeply get to know you. The reward will be priceless, I promise.
Texting Your Ex
.
Don't all exes come back at some point? I can't let go because I didn't get closure with him. Why did the Universe send this man into my life?
To teach you how to let go. To teach you that letting go isn't an end but a beginning. To prepare you for your next love or a greater life purpose. The reasons he is or was in your life are unnumbered.
No not all exes come back. I have one that I love dearly, it's been 3 years. Sure I have seen and talked to him, but he never came back.
Closure can not come from a man, it comes from inside you. Funny, just recently the man I just knew was the man for me that would never step up recently mailed me with all of his regrets and apologies. I always thought that would make me feel better, give me closure, but it didn't. They are just words, words that just confirmed to me that is all it ever was. Words. Without actions and forward movement, they mean very little.
Here is some tough love for you. All those reasons you just gave for not letting go are excuses. They hold you prisoner. If you met someone tomorrow that blew your socks off, you would make time and room. You have time to ponder over this man that isn't or hasn't been present in your life in a long time. Imagine how your life would expand if you invested that energy into something or someone that could give back to you that which you long for.
Invest that energy into you, deeply get to know you. The reward will be priceless, I promise.
Texting Your Ex
.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
When Your Heart Is Breaking Over Him
If you are going through a break up, it's awful I know. The pain and the longing is often unbearable. You feel so very alone. No one really knows how sad you are or how you feel. You wish you could sleep through it. Some tell you to just get over it, life goes on. These words don't seem to help at all. It's not that simple. You loved him with all your heart and now he is gone and nothing fills the void.
It is said that time heals all wounds. Yes this is true. Why do some heal faster than others though. Some move on in a matter of months, while others hang onto the past for years. Why is this? Is it that those hanging on loved harder or deeper? I don't think so.
I think those that hold on longer perhaps and this is just a theory, but perhaps something inside of them is more broken, something that has little to do with the man that left them. There is a part of themselves that needs some healing. I mean after all, it's you that's feeling the pain. It's you that holds on to a love that no longer fills you with joy, but with pain. Why would one do such a thing? Do you not love you more than this?
Consider taking a minute and listening to your inner child and what it is saying to you. It's saying:
Why are you doing this to me? Why do you spend so much time crying over a man who is no longer present in your life while I sit here all alone. I want to come out and play with you. I want you to love me, yet you don't, you waste your love on him, while I sit here hurting and in pain. Why do you neglect me so? I have been here, sitting in this corner all along yet you don't see me. I need you far more than he does. I love you far more than he ever did or will, can you please come home and love me back. Take care of me as only you can. There is no other that knows me like you do, there is no other that can love me like you do. There is no other that can love you like I can. I want to smile, laugh and feel joy in the sunshine with you again. Please come home and get me. I will never leave you.
Embrace that inner child. Love her again, get to know her again. Laugh, play, nurture and grow her. She needs you. She is number one.
This truly is the key to moving on I am convinced. Loving yourself. We love others and when we see them hurting, it breaks our hearts. So why aren't we heartbroken for our inner child and self. Why do we neglect her? Why do we allow another such power over us and her? Discover your heart's truth.
365 Days of Love
.
It is said that time heals all wounds. Yes this is true. Why do some heal faster than others though. Some move on in a matter of months, while others hang onto the past for years. Why is this? Is it that those hanging on loved harder or deeper? I don't think so.
I think those that hold on longer perhaps and this is just a theory, but perhaps something inside of them is more broken, something that has little to do with the man that left them. There is a part of themselves that needs some healing. I mean after all, it's you that's feeling the pain. It's you that holds on to a love that no longer fills you with joy, but with pain. Why would one do such a thing? Do you not love you more than this?
Consider taking a minute and listening to your inner child and what it is saying to you. It's saying:
Why are you doing this to me? Why do you spend so much time crying over a man who is no longer present in your life while I sit here all alone. I want to come out and play with you. I want you to love me, yet you don't, you waste your love on him, while I sit here hurting and in pain. Why do you neglect me so? I have been here, sitting in this corner all along yet you don't see me. I need you far more than he does. I love you far more than he ever did or will, can you please come home and love me back. Take care of me as only you can. There is no other that knows me like you do, there is no other that can love me like you do. There is no other that can love you like I can. I want to smile, laugh and feel joy in the sunshine with you again. Please come home and get me. I will never leave you.
Embrace that inner child. Love her again, get to know her again. Laugh, play, nurture and grow her. She needs you. She is number one.
This truly is the key to moving on I am convinced. Loving yourself. We love others and when we see them hurting, it breaks our hearts. So why aren't we heartbroken for our inner child and self. Why do we neglect her? Why do we allow another such power over us and her? Discover your heart's truth.
365 Days of Love
.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Should I Take Him Back
If you have just been through a break up and your ex is making some positive movement in your direction, you may be asking yourself should I take him back. I hope you are asking yourself this at the least. If there was a break up, chances are there is something that isn't right. It would be a book if I listed them all here. I simply can't do that, but I can give some direction when deciding if you should get back with your ex or not.
My motto is actions actions actions. So many times women take their ex back because he said the right words. Words are nothing. Any man can tell you what you want to hear. To a broken heart the words are like a soothing ointment. In reality though, the words often only act as a band aid. They don't really heal the actual wound. I did this once upon a time. I took a man back simply because he showed up on my doorstep professing his love and fear of losing me. It lasted less than 30 days and here is why.
He had broken up with me. I didn't make him work for it. He told me what my bleeding heart was longing to hear and I jumped right back in. The loss of me had not really had time to sink into his head. He didn't really feel it. I didn't wait for him to show me with actions how sincere he was. At the moment, I am postive he was sincere and he even believed it. When they show you with their actions and not just words, not only are they convincing you that they truly do want you back, but they are convincing themselves.
Making him work with actions is no game. You deserve to know how much he really values you and you simply won't know this with words. Sure you can go ahead and take him back and hope for the best, but wouldn't it be so much better to just know? Long term satisfaction over instant gratification? If you get back together with your ex I assume you want it to be better than before.
Men are much like toddlers. They want what they want when they want it. Give a toddler a new toy because he asked for it and within the hour, it will be cast aside. Men do value what they work hardest for. Think about men and their cars. A car he bought out of necessity for a few hundred, over a car he worked hard to save for and still makes the payments for it. I guarantee he will treat the car he worked for with care. He is proud. They really are very similar with women. Ever heard a man tell a story about how he worked for his current partner of wife? They stand taller, talk louder and almost strut when talking about it. It's a lasting impression to say the least.
I am sure you may worry what if he doesn't put in the effort to win me back. If he isn't willing to put in what it takes to get you back, chances are good this is a man you should not get back together with. If he gives up when his lip service doesn't get him what he wants, do you really want a man like this? A man that doesn't see your value will not make a good life partner no matter how you look at it.
There is a true story HERE of a woman who has went down this road and didn't take him back right away. I know if you are hurting you want results now and getting back together may be all you can think of. This is not a minor decision and shouldn't be jumped into. It's something you and he both need to be sure of. It hurts far worse the second time you break up than the first, you can trust me on this one. Get it right the first time. If you want your ex back, watch for actions actions actions. Nothing else will do.
My motto is actions actions actions. So many times women take their ex back because he said the right words. Words are nothing. Any man can tell you what you want to hear. To a broken heart the words are like a soothing ointment. In reality though, the words often only act as a band aid. They don't really heal the actual wound. I did this once upon a time. I took a man back simply because he showed up on my doorstep professing his love and fear of losing me. It lasted less than 30 days and here is why.
He had broken up with me. I didn't make him work for it. He told me what my bleeding heart was longing to hear and I jumped right back in. The loss of me had not really had time to sink into his head. He didn't really feel it. I didn't wait for him to show me with actions how sincere he was. At the moment, I am postive he was sincere and he even believed it. When they show you with their actions and not just words, not only are they convincing you that they truly do want you back, but they are convincing themselves.
Making him work with actions is no game. You deserve to know how much he really values you and you simply won't know this with words. Sure you can go ahead and take him back and hope for the best, but wouldn't it be so much better to just know? Long term satisfaction over instant gratification? If you get back together with your ex I assume you want it to be better than before.
Men are much like toddlers. They want what they want when they want it. Give a toddler a new toy because he asked for it and within the hour, it will be cast aside. Men do value what they work hardest for. Think about men and their cars. A car he bought out of necessity for a few hundred, over a car he worked hard to save for and still makes the payments for it. I guarantee he will treat the car he worked for with care. He is proud. They really are very similar with women. Ever heard a man tell a story about how he worked for his current partner of wife? They stand taller, talk louder and almost strut when talking about it. It's a lasting impression to say the least.
I am sure you may worry what if he doesn't put in the effort to win me back. If he isn't willing to put in what it takes to get you back, chances are good this is a man you should not get back together with. If he gives up when his lip service doesn't get him what he wants, do you really want a man like this? A man that doesn't see your value will not make a good life partner no matter how you look at it.
There is a true story HERE of a woman who has went down this road and didn't take him back right away. I know if you are hurting you want results now and getting back together may be all you can think of. This is not a minor decision and shouldn't be jumped into. It's something you and he both need to be sure of. It hurts far worse the second time you break up than the first, you can trust me on this one. Get it right the first time. If you want your ex back, watch for actions actions actions. Nothing else will do.
Monday, October 31, 2011
He Said He Misses Me and Wants Me Back
I got an email the other day from a woman who had an ex boyfriend that kept contacting her. He had dumped her, but now was all crying about how bad he missed her. She wanted him back but was still having doubts if she she should take him back or not. If you have never been through this, let me tell you, the second dumping is worse than the first. So yes, she should be cautious.
Before you take him back it would serve you well to find out if this is just coming from a place of selfishness or if he genuinely loves you and wants you back for the right reasons. If his reasons aren't true, it will end again. The term I miss you really is a selfish remark. Especially if the one saying it is the one that caused the other a great deal of pain. The words coming out of his mouth if it's true will be more about you and less about him. He will not be focused on how he misses you, he will be focused on how he hurt you and in making it up to you.
So just because a guy stays in contact and says he misses you does not mean he will make a good partner if you get back together. The opposite would hold true actually. If he has hurt you and you take him back with a few sweet words, it tells him it's not really a big deal to hurt you again. You are laying a foundation for a shaky reunion.
I am convinced after story after story of break ups that land in my inbox that the only way to make it work the second time around is no contact. For both parties. He needs to feel the loss, he really does. You need to take this time to find the value of your heart. He won't appreciate you the second time around if he doesn't feel the value of your heart. He won't know it if you don't show him. Surely your heart is worth more than a few I miss yous is it not?
It would help if you could really understand him and why he disappeared in the first place would it not? Take your time girl.
Before you take him back it would serve you well to find out if this is just coming from a place of selfishness or if he genuinely loves you and wants you back for the right reasons. If his reasons aren't true, it will end again. The term I miss you really is a selfish remark. Especially if the one saying it is the one that caused the other a great deal of pain. The words coming out of his mouth if it's true will be more about you and less about him. He will not be focused on how he misses you, he will be focused on how he hurt you and in making it up to you.
So just because a guy stays in contact and says he misses you does not mean he will make a good partner if you get back together. The opposite would hold true actually. If he has hurt you and you take him back with a few sweet words, it tells him it's not really a big deal to hurt you again. You are laying a foundation for a shaky reunion.
I am convinced after story after story of break ups that land in my inbox that the only way to make it work the second time around is no contact. For both parties. He needs to feel the loss, he really does. You need to take this time to find the value of your heart. He won't appreciate you the second time around if he doesn't feel the value of your heart. He won't know it if you don't show him. Surely your heart is worth more than a few I miss yous is it not?
It would help if you could really understand him and why he disappeared in the first place would it not? Take your time girl.
Friday, October 14, 2011
My Ex Boyfriend Sends Mixed Signals
When and ex boyfriend sends you mixed signals, it often leaves you confused. You may think he wants me back often. It causes you to analyze and you are left guessing. Sometimes though they really aren't meaning to send mixed signals. We just refuse to see what these signals really mean. It's the hope we have, the not letting go that causes us to sometimes misinterpet these signals. Let me give you some examples.
One woman asked me this question. She said my ex still texts with me, does this mean he wants me back. She was actually doing the initiating most of the time. He would reply. This is not a mixed signal. It does not mean he is thinking of reconcilliation. What he is likely thinking is what is the best way to not upset her. He doesn't want to upset you further because he fears drama or you going into a feelings conversation or asking him a million questions that he just doesn't want to answer. If he replies rudely, you are upset, if he doesn't reply, you are upset. Lesser of 4 evils or either he wants to keep you as an option.
If he is still having sex with you. If he calls you up with that missing you line and asks you over then after it's all said and done you are still broken up, you may feel like this is a mixed signal from your ex boyfriend. You may think he was so wonderful and it seemed so great, how can he just cut it on and off. You feel confused and this appears to be a mixed signal. It's not. If you are going to allow him to have his cake and eat it too, why would he refuse? If you want your ex boyfriend back, don't let this happen. Ex boyfriends get lonely too.
To be to the point here sometimes the nicer they are to you, the less your chances are at getting your ex boyfriend back. If he reacts in anger towards you in time your chances may be better. If he is angry understand anger is an emotion out of passion. Him being nice shows no passion and should not be taken as a mixed signal or a sign that your ex boyfriend wants you back. He could be simply avoiding drama or keeping you as an option. If you want your ex boyfriend back stop guessing and put a plan in action.
Man Mistake Eraser
.
One woman asked me this question. She said my ex still texts with me, does this mean he wants me back. She was actually doing the initiating most of the time. He would reply. This is not a mixed signal. It does not mean he is thinking of reconcilliation. What he is likely thinking is what is the best way to not upset her. He doesn't want to upset you further because he fears drama or you going into a feelings conversation or asking him a million questions that he just doesn't want to answer. If he replies rudely, you are upset, if he doesn't reply, you are upset. Lesser of 4 evils or either he wants to keep you as an option.
If he is still having sex with you. If he calls you up with that missing you line and asks you over then after it's all said and done you are still broken up, you may feel like this is a mixed signal from your ex boyfriend. You may think he was so wonderful and it seemed so great, how can he just cut it on and off. You feel confused and this appears to be a mixed signal. It's not. If you are going to allow him to have his cake and eat it too, why would he refuse? If you want your ex boyfriend back, don't let this happen. Ex boyfriends get lonely too.
To be to the point here sometimes the nicer they are to you, the less your chances are at getting your ex boyfriend back. If he reacts in anger towards you in time your chances may be better. If he is angry understand anger is an emotion out of passion. Him being nice shows no passion and should not be taken as a mixed signal or a sign that your ex boyfriend wants you back. He could be simply avoiding drama or keeping you as an option. If you want your ex boyfriend back stop guessing and put a plan in action.
Man Mistake Eraser
.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
5 Things Your Ex Does to Make You Think He Wants You Back
- He says he still wants to be friends. This is not a sign he wants you back. This is a let you down gently line and he may truly want to remain friends. It's manspeak however for I am no longer attracted to you, therefore I see you more as a friend than a lover. If you want him back, being his friend is the most counter productive thing you can do to get him back. Remain his friend and watch him transition and move onto another woman sooner rather than later.
- He returns your texts or calls. What are his choices if you call or text. A) He can ignore you, which he knows will hurt you. B) He can be rude to you, which he also knows will hurt you. He chooses the lesser of two evils to avoid hurting you further. He isn't thinking of the hope he is giving you. He is more concerned with picking the choice that will cause him the least amount of drama.
- He agrees to a closure conversation. Although nice of him and count your blessings, many don't get this, it is not a sign your ex wants you back. It's a sign he may be a decent man again wanting to let you down gently. He prepares for this conversation. He knows he will get a million questions starting with why. He agrees to it hoping that it will help you to let him go. He gets tired of feeling guilty. Guilt will not get your ex back, I promise.
- He will still have sex with you. This one is self explanatory. Men will still have sex with you. They can have sex and still not want to be in a relationship with you. Sex is just sex. If you still allow your ex to have sex with you after he broke up with you, you again are killing your chances of ever getting him back. Sex does not keep a man. He will continue to do so until he finds a replacement. You are allowing him to have his cake and eat it too and hurting yourself in the process.
- He stares at you if you run into him out. This is the craziest one of all yet also the most common. A look is not a sign your ex wants you back. It's your analytical mind attempting to fabricate hope. I have stared at my ex before as well, wondering what on earth was I thinking. I didn't want him back. Why would I stare at him if I wanted him back, I would do something, not stare. Also be sure he isn't looking at the game on TV above your head if you are in a sports bar.
Stop looking at false signs if you want him back. That's precious time you are wasting if you want to get on with your life and also time wasted if you do want him back. Get a plan that works to get your ex back here. My ex used these techniques on me and we are now living together happily.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
If It Wern't for My Ex Boyfriend Dumping Me......
I would not be on the path I am on. Sure I went through the crying, depression, not wanting to get out of bed. I wondered "why", countless times. I lost a ton of weight. I was angry and hurt. I wanted him back. I even got him back once, but alas, he dumped me a second time. This weighed heavy on my ego to say the least. Being dumped is a knock down, I don't care who you are.
Looking back, I wouldn't change a thing. The break up set my life as I know it now in motion. I had to call upon great inner strength and self control many a days. Though it was no fun, it was nice to again meet that strength, and an inspiration to keep me going that I did have a lot of strength. Learning self control has turned out to be a great blessing that has carried to other parts of my life in a good way. Had my ex boyfriend stayed, this would have remained stagnant in me for who knows how long.
These last 3 years have been the most exciting in my life so far. I had a whirl wind romance and landed in Vegas. I met 4 complete stangers (women) in Atlantic and New York City for 5 days. I met them online in a break up forum. I had a bitter sweet e-affair that I will never forget. He taught me so much or rather I learned so much from him. I went on countless dates with interesting men that better helped me decide what I do want in a relationship, really want. I have had weekends at the beach with my best girlfriends. I have connected with amazing people every where. I can't help but wonder if I had stayed with my ex boyfriend if any of this would have transpired. I think I know the answer to that.
In the process of it all, my career path changed as well. I had always been in the cooperate world. I begin to like my freedom, even embraced it in time. I wanted it in all areas of my life, and I wanted to do something worth while. Hence now I write articles on break ups, relationships, dating, flirting, you name it. I like to think I am making a difference and earning a modest living in the process. I am very very happy doing what I do. My ex boyfriend would have thought I was crazy. I was dabbling with it when we broke up. Would I have stopped it all for him, shiver to think this.
Last but not least, I have a man in my life that supports me in all I do. He is my cheerleader. Had it not been for my ex boyfriend, I would have missed him in my life.
Moral here. What seems like hopelessness and despair really isn't. There is a much bigger picture, a much bigger plan and it's way bigger than your ex boyfriend. Embrace your freedom, doors are waiting to be opened now. There is life after what's his name, I promise.
Looking back, I wouldn't change a thing. The break up set my life as I know it now in motion. I had to call upon great inner strength and self control many a days. Though it was no fun, it was nice to again meet that strength, and an inspiration to keep me going that I did have a lot of strength. Learning self control has turned out to be a great blessing that has carried to other parts of my life in a good way. Had my ex boyfriend stayed, this would have remained stagnant in me for who knows how long.
These last 3 years have been the most exciting in my life so far. I had a whirl wind romance and landed in Vegas. I met 4 complete stangers (women) in Atlantic and New York City for 5 days. I met them online in a break up forum. I had a bitter sweet e-affair that I will never forget. He taught me so much or rather I learned so much from him. I went on countless dates with interesting men that better helped me decide what I do want in a relationship, really want. I have had weekends at the beach with my best girlfriends. I have connected with amazing people every where. I can't help but wonder if I had stayed with my ex boyfriend if any of this would have transpired. I think I know the answer to that.
In the process of it all, my career path changed as well. I had always been in the cooperate world. I begin to like my freedom, even embraced it in time. I wanted it in all areas of my life, and I wanted to do something worth while. Hence now I write articles on break ups, relationships, dating, flirting, you name it. I like to think I am making a difference and earning a modest living in the process. I am very very happy doing what I do. My ex boyfriend would have thought I was crazy. I was dabbling with it when we broke up. Would I have stopped it all for him, shiver to think this.
Last but not least, I have a man in my life that supports me in all I do. He is my cheerleader. Had it not been for my ex boyfriend, I would have missed him in my life.
Moral here. What seems like hopelessness and despair really isn't. There is a much bigger picture, a much bigger plan and it's way bigger than your ex boyfriend. Embrace your freedom, doors are waiting to be opened now. There is life after what's his name, I promise.
Monday, October 3, 2011
My Ex Won't Talk To Me
If you boyfriend just broke up with you and won't talk to you, it's not really abnormal. If you know he won't talk to you, then it goes to assume you have tried to talk to him. Maybe you called, maybe you texted and he won't answer. Maybe you even show up where he is at. The point is though, he isn't talking to you for a reason.
Part of it may be guilt. He knows he hurt you and he feels bad, but it's not much point in talking if he can't make you feel better. He knows if he says something to ease your pain, it will give you false hope and open him up to more questions from you. Those why questions that you know you have and that you want answers to. He doesn't really have answers, not answers that would calm you. Maybe he wants to date others or see if the grass is greener on the other side. Maybe he thinks you are too much drama. To tell a woman the truth means more than likely she will freak and ask more questions or become angry. If he won't talk to you, more than likely he fears your reaction. He doesn't want a hysterical crying woman on his hands. Men don't do well with this at all.
If you want to talk to him, your best bet is to wait. By waiting, it appears that you are calm and he may feel safer later on to talk to you. He doesn't feel safe at the moment. He isn't ready to talk about it at the moment. To push the issue will only drive him further away and decrease your chances of getting back together down to practically zero. If you keep calling or texting him, you may very well be validating the reason he broke up with you in the first place. He now feels completely responsible for your unhappiness. Men don't want to be responsible for your happiness or unhappiness.
When dealing with an ex, remember these wise words, men respond to distance, not words. Bob Grant.
Part of it may be guilt. He knows he hurt you and he feels bad, but it's not much point in talking if he can't make you feel better. He knows if he says something to ease your pain, it will give you false hope and open him up to more questions from you. Those why questions that you know you have and that you want answers to. He doesn't really have answers, not answers that would calm you. Maybe he wants to date others or see if the grass is greener on the other side. Maybe he thinks you are too much drama. To tell a woman the truth means more than likely she will freak and ask more questions or become angry. If he won't talk to you, more than likely he fears your reaction. He doesn't want a hysterical crying woman on his hands. Men don't do well with this at all.
If you want to talk to him, your best bet is to wait. By waiting, it appears that you are calm and he may feel safer later on to talk to you. He doesn't feel safe at the moment. He isn't ready to talk about it at the moment. To push the issue will only drive him further away and decrease your chances of getting back together down to practically zero. If you keep calling or texting him, you may very well be validating the reason he broke up with you in the first place. He now feels completely responsible for your unhappiness. Men don't want to be responsible for your happiness or unhappiness.
When dealing with an ex, remember these wise words, men respond to distance, not words. Bob Grant.
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
My Boyfriend Broke Up With Me and I Want Him Back
When your boyfriend breaks up with you, when you don't want the break up, it can turn your world upside down. Your emotions are all over the place and your first instinct is to convince or show him why he should take you back.
The things that destroy your chances are calling, questioning, texting, pleading, crying, or just wanting to talk about what went wrong and how he feels. These things just drive him further away.
Have you ever broken up with a man and then he just kept wanting to talk about it. He kept on and on. How did you feel? You knew there was nothing you could really say to make him feel better and talking to him only made you feel guilt.
Guilt is not an emotion that will bring his attraction back for you, trust me. Chances are if he kept it up, you began to feel sorry for him and started to see him as pathetic. Are you going back to a pathetic man? I doubt it, so why should he want you back if you are acting this way. Desperate comes to mind.
You may very well be feeling desperate, calling your girlfriends crying, my boyfriend broke up with me. Call your girlfriends, lean on them, but don't lean on him for your comfort. He broke up with you remember? It's ok to feel desperate, even quite normal.
The thing to remember here is to not let him see you this way. Self control is very sexy. A woman out of control is a wet blanket, really she is. It's not easy to have this self control when your emotions are all over the place, but if you want him back, it's critical that you keep control.
I know this works. My ex got me back after I broke up with him. Had he groveled, it would never have happened. He didn't. He accepted the break up like a man and went into no contact. I had time to miss him. Eventually the memories that caused the break up faded and were replaced by the strong man that he showed himself to be. Not to mention it was the respectable thing to do. To fight the break up would not have been respectful of my wishes. A couple months later, we worked it out. It would never have happened had he lost his self control or acted pathetic.
If your boyfriend broke up with you, you want to be strong and hold onto your dignity regardless of if you get him back or not. Do you want your ex to have his last memory of you crying and pathetic or of a woman with her head held high? That image will eventually replace his last image of you if you keep your self control. If you want your boyfriend back, remember self control and no drama is the key.
The things that destroy your chances are calling, questioning, texting, pleading, crying, or just wanting to talk about what went wrong and how he feels. These things just drive him further away.
Have you ever broken up with a man and then he just kept wanting to talk about it. He kept on and on. How did you feel? You knew there was nothing you could really say to make him feel better and talking to him only made you feel guilt.
Guilt is not an emotion that will bring his attraction back for you, trust me. Chances are if he kept it up, you began to feel sorry for him and started to see him as pathetic. Are you going back to a pathetic man? I doubt it, so why should he want you back if you are acting this way. Desperate comes to mind.
You may very well be feeling desperate, calling your girlfriends crying, my boyfriend broke up with me. Call your girlfriends, lean on them, but don't lean on him for your comfort. He broke up with you remember? It's ok to feel desperate, even quite normal.
The thing to remember here is to not let him see you this way. Self control is very sexy. A woman out of control is a wet blanket, really she is. It's not easy to have this self control when your emotions are all over the place, but if you want him back, it's critical that you keep control.
I know this works. My ex got me back after I broke up with him. Had he groveled, it would never have happened. He didn't. He accepted the break up like a man and went into no contact. I had time to miss him. Eventually the memories that caused the break up faded and were replaced by the strong man that he showed himself to be. Not to mention it was the respectable thing to do. To fight the break up would not have been respectful of my wishes. A couple months later, we worked it out. It would never have happened had he lost his self control or acted pathetic.
If your boyfriend broke up with you, you want to be strong and hold onto your dignity regardless of if you get him back or not. Do you want your ex to have his last memory of you crying and pathetic or of a woman with her head held high? That image will eventually replace his last image of you if you keep your self control. If you want your boyfriend back, remember self control and no drama is the key.
If your boyfriend just broke up with you, he has lost his attraction for you more than likely. If you want him back, you have to have a plan to rekindle his attraction.
The Best Plan to Get Keep Your Dignity and Get Your Boyfriend Back is HERE.
The Best Plan to Get Keep Your Dignity and Get Your Boyfriend Back is HERE.
Monday, August 22, 2011
My Boyfriend Just Broke Up With Me
If your boyfriend just broke up with you, chances are good you are out of control emotionally. You have all these questions in your head, most of which start why or how. How could he, why did he? This time is critical though, it really is. It's critical to keep your dignity and not look like a blubbering love sick school girl. If you are hoping to get him back, what you do right now will determine this. You don't want to be out of control, it shows you in a very unattractive light. My friend Nicole Gayle described it best in her book "How to go from girlfriend to wife".
You may have had hopes of him being the one and really enjoyed being with
him but you must take what he says to you seriously and do not become a
Drama Queen. EVER! Your secret weapon: joy, lots and lots of it.
You don't have time to wallow in self pity. Pick yourself up, even if you
have to do so by your bra strap and don't listen to any well meaning advice
that you should give him time, try to remain friends, or contact him. This is
not in your best interest because you should never beg a man to reconsider.
That's not being smart!
You don't want to appear weak because people don't respond very well to
desperate acts. If you've ever watched the bachelor, you'll know what I
mean. This is beneath you. When a man starts telling you that he is no
longer into you, he means it. You must remain calm and together. Don't
ever break down by starting to cry in front of him but remain in control and
act like it's totally OK with you - deal with your feelings after. Break down
and let it all out after you've turned your back. What he wants to hear is that
you can handle yourself like a lady not buckets and buckets of rain.
When you're able to get some perspective, you'll be proud that you were
strong and didn't fall apart. You'll feel good about how you handled it
instead of having a criminal record of holding a man hostage to you.
My girlfriends' relationship with a co-worker didn't work out and she found
it difficult because it ended unresolved. She was raging angry but she didn't
show it when she would go to work. After a couple of weeks of reflection,
she came to the realization that knowing her personal self worth and value
was the key.
She decided to not allow a man, opinions, or circumstances to define who
she is as a woman. This level of enlightenment caused her to begin to
pamper herself by going out on the town, to the spa, getting her hair done,
and new clothes. And she told me that the best thing that could have ever
happened was to bump into him looking like a Fox. That day she was hot
and she knew it. As a matter of fact when she saw him at the elevator it was
a showdown - her chance to strut her stuff. They locked eyes, he checked
her out, and when she did the cat walk straight towards him while being
happy like she just won a million bucks, he suddenly lost his confidence
[BOOM].
He tried to make small talk and she thought she'd stop but she looked down
and saw that her legs kept walking. She walked away with her power and he
was left there drooling.
P.S. That's how you should handle a breakup
Regardless if you want him back, your dignity and grace is what he will remember. Drama will only reinforce that breaking up with you was in fact the right decision. The only way to get yourself under control is to go into no contact. Not texts, no calls, no smoke signals. He has to feel the loss of you. If you stay in contact, he won't have time to miss you at all. It just adds more pressure and more guilt to him. If you think guilt will work in any way at all, you are sadly mistaken. Hold onto your dignity woman, it's the only way to come out on top of this break up.
If you want live free support with No Contact go here, if you want him back, go here. for the ultimate plan now before you blow it.
You may have had hopes of him being the one and really enjoyed being with
him but you must take what he says to you seriously and do not become a
Drama Queen. EVER! Your secret weapon: joy, lots and lots of it.
You don't have time to wallow in self pity. Pick yourself up, even if you
have to do so by your bra strap and don't listen to any well meaning advice
that you should give him time, try to remain friends, or contact him. This is
not in your best interest because you should never beg a man to reconsider.
That's not being smart!
You don't want to appear weak because people don't respond very well to
desperate acts. If you've ever watched the bachelor, you'll know what I
mean. This is beneath you. When a man starts telling you that he is no
longer into you, he means it. You must remain calm and together. Don't
ever break down by starting to cry in front of him but remain in control and
act like it's totally OK with you - deal with your feelings after. Break down
and let it all out after you've turned your back. What he wants to hear is that
you can handle yourself like a lady not buckets and buckets of rain.
When you're able to get some perspective, you'll be proud that you were
strong and didn't fall apart. You'll feel good about how you handled it
instead of having a criminal record of holding a man hostage to you.
My girlfriends' relationship with a co-worker didn't work out and she found
it difficult because it ended unresolved. She was raging angry but she didn't
show it when she would go to work. After a couple of weeks of reflection,
she came to the realization that knowing her personal self worth and value
was the key.
She decided to not allow a man, opinions, or circumstances to define who
she is as a woman. This level of enlightenment caused her to begin to
pamper herself by going out on the town, to the spa, getting her hair done,
and new clothes. And she told me that the best thing that could have ever
happened was to bump into him looking like a Fox. That day she was hot
and she knew it. As a matter of fact when she saw him at the elevator it was
a showdown - her chance to strut her stuff. They locked eyes, he checked
her out, and when she did the cat walk straight towards him while being
happy like she just won a million bucks, he suddenly lost his confidence
[BOOM].
He tried to make small talk and she thought she'd stop but she looked down
and saw that her legs kept walking. She walked away with her power and he
was left there drooling.
P.S. That's how you should handle a breakup
Regardless if you want him back, your dignity and grace is what he will remember. Drama will only reinforce that breaking up with you was in fact the right decision. The only way to get yourself under control is to go into no contact. Not texts, no calls, no smoke signals. He has to feel the loss of you. If you stay in contact, he won't have time to miss you at all. It just adds more pressure and more guilt to him. If you think guilt will work in any way at all, you are sadly mistaken. Hold onto your dignity woman, it's the only way to come out on top of this break up.
If you want live free support with No Contact go here, if you want him back, go here. for the ultimate plan now before you blow it.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Why Your Ex Won't Talk To You
If you have just been broken up with by your boyfriend you are probably climbing the walls. You have so many why questions and you want answers. You call, he ignores. You text, he ignores. Not even a smoke signal. Why?
Because he doesn't know what to say to you. He knows anything he says will likely turn into another question. He knows he can't make you feel better unless he tells you he wants you back. Nothing he says will change anything and all it does is make him feel bad. You may want to make him feel bad. It solves nothing. It won't get him back.
I was granted a closure conversation when my boyfriend broke up with me once upon a time. All it did was piss me off. In hindsight, it was because he didn't tell me what I wanted to hear. Just told me the same old thing over and over. It's not you, it's me he kept saying. I don't know what I want he kept saying. Now I know that wasn't all of the truth. He knew what he didn't want, let's put it that way, or at the time thought he did.
Had I just gracefully exited the relationship and just left him alone things may have turned out different, who knows. Instead I wanted to talk talk talk about it. By talking about it so much, I created a sense of dread in him. Anytime I called or made contact, he probably got to the point of rolling his eyes and saying, oh no, not again. Do I have to rehash this all over again.
Trust me, if you have just been dumped, you will earn a lot more respect by going in no contact and letting him feel the loss of you. A man won't feel like he lost you if you stay in contact. Then if you still think you want him back, you will be in a better place in his eyes to recreate what was lost. If his last memory of you is groveling, it won't be pretty. Let his last memory of you be of respect. Keep your dignity, don't lose it by insisting on talking to him. Trust me, at this point, he very well may not want to talk. Give him time.
Because he doesn't know what to say to you. He knows anything he says will likely turn into another question. He knows he can't make you feel better unless he tells you he wants you back. Nothing he says will change anything and all it does is make him feel bad. You may want to make him feel bad. It solves nothing. It won't get him back.
I was granted a closure conversation when my boyfriend broke up with me once upon a time. All it did was piss me off. In hindsight, it was because he didn't tell me what I wanted to hear. Just told me the same old thing over and over. It's not you, it's me he kept saying. I don't know what I want he kept saying. Now I know that wasn't all of the truth. He knew what he didn't want, let's put it that way, or at the time thought he did.
Had I just gracefully exited the relationship and just left him alone things may have turned out different, who knows. Instead I wanted to talk talk talk about it. By talking about it so much, I created a sense of dread in him. Anytime I called or made contact, he probably got to the point of rolling his eyes and saying, oh no, not again. Do I have to rehash this all over again.
Trust me, if you have just been dumped, you will earn a lot more respect by going in no contact and letting him feel the loss of you. A man won't feel like he lost you if you stay in contact. Then if you still think you want him back, you will be in a better place in his eyes to recreate what was lost. If his last memory of you is groveling, it won't be pretty. Let his last memory of you be of respect. Keep your dignity, don't lose it by insisting on talking to him. Trust me, at this point, he very well may not want to talk. Give him time.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Does He Want Me Back
Our emotions are the one thing that plays the tricks on you. You hope he wants you back so of course you hold onto that little glimmer of hope. He wouldn't be calling or making random contact if he didn't want you back right? Not necessarily. Men will make contact for many reasons. Guilt being one.
They may feel bad for the pain they caused and by calling you or whatever it is he is doing to make you think he may want you back, it eases his pain. He feels better because he thinks it makes you feel better. He does not have your best interest at heart here if this is the case. This is a selfish act on his part.
If there was a break up, he is probably hurt also, just not to the degree that you are if he is the one that broke up with you. Men often stay in touch not because he wants you back, but it eases his pain and his transition back into the dating world. This is when the critical awful thing often happens. He meets someone else and you are left wondering why, when he stayed in touch. Answer, you made it easier for him by accepting his contact.
It takes me more time to process a break up than it does women. Men often sweep it under the rug. They move on in a sort of denial. Women grieve fast and hard. This is why it is so common to hear about men returning months later, some even years to find the woman has moved on and he is not longer in her thoughts. If you want him back, it's critical to stay in no contact with him during this stage and hope he doesn't take too long to figure it out.
If he is still wanting to sleep with you or have sex, this does not mean he wants you back. It means he wants his cake and eat it too. Freedom. If you want him back, don't have sex with him, this is a fatal mistake. It tells him you will accept the relationship on his terms and hopefully you are a self respecting woman who will not accept crumbs from him. Hopefully it's all or none for you. This attitude draws a man back in believe it or not.
If you don't know if he wants you back or not, chances are good he doesn't know this either. A man that wants you back will stop at nothing to get you back. There will not be lame attempts, only crystal clear signals and forward actions. If you want to make him want you back, pay attention to his signals.
They may feel bad for the pain they caused and by calling you or whatever it is he is doing to make you think he may want you back, it eases his pain. He feels better because he thinks it makes you feel better. He does not have your best interest at heart here if this is the case. This is a selfish act on his part.
If there was a break up, he is probably hurt also, just not to the degree that you are if he is the one that broke up with you. Men often stay in touch not because he wants you back, but it eases his pain and his transition back into the dating world. This is when the critical awful thing often happens. He meets someone else and you are left wondering why, when he stayed in touch. Answer, you made it easier for him by accepting his contact.
It takes me more time to process a break up than it does women. Men often sweep it under the rug. They move on in a sort of denial. Women grieve fast and hard. This is why it is so common to hear about men returning months later, some even years to find the woman has moved on and he is not longer in her thoughts. If you want him back, it's critical to stay in no contact with him during this stage and hope he doesn't take too long to figure it out.
If he is still wanting to sleep with you or have sex, this does not mean he wants you back. It means he wants his cake and eat it too. Freedom. If you want him back, don't have sex with him, this is a fatal mistake. It tells him you will accept the relationship on his terms and hopefully you are a self respecting woman who will not accept crumbs from him. Hopefully it's all or none for you. This attitude draws a man back in believe it or not.
If you don't know if he wants you back or not, chances are good he doesn't know this either. A man that wants you back will stop at nothing to get you back. There will not be lame attempts, only crystal clear signals and forward actions. If you want to make him want you back, pay attention to his signals.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
How Does No Contact Work
You can watch the video above to find out how no contact works. No contact gives you time to calm your emotions. If you break up is fresh, your emotions are all over the place. From anger to pain and everything and anything in between.
When your emotions are raw, you just can't think logically and you will make decisions and mistakes that you will regret. Your heart will lead you astray in this emotional state and you are likely to kill any chance you have of getting back together with your ex.
If you want a true understanding of how no contact works and how it could be your only chance to get your ex back, you may want to check out Bob Grant's book here.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)