He Wants to Break Up - How to Handle It

Your high hopes have just been crushed. You loved being with him and now you are faced with being alone. What do you do? First off, no drama, keep a cool head. Easier said than done, but a cool head is one of your best weapons in getting though this when he says he wants to break up. When it's all said and done you will be so glad later that you remained calm. There is nothing worse than looking back and realizing you lost all of your dignity with your behavior in a break up.

Don't break down in front of him. This does not bring him back, it only makes you appear weak. A man will look back and respect the woman that held it together. The sobbing woman only appears pathetic and makes him uncomfortable because he knows he can't make her feel better. No begging or pleading or bombarding him with a million questions of what went wrong. You can't hold a man hostage to you when he wants to break up. Words will not get him back ever.

Don't listen to that advice of others that tell you to keep contact or remain friends. He gave up that right when he said he wanted to break up with you. If you remain friends with him, his transition becomes smoother and yours remains more difficult. When he says he wants to break up, let him go. Don't chase after him. Do you want a man who doesn't want you? You are worth way more than that. Chasing a man will not get him back.

A man does not define you. If he wants you or not does not determine your worth. You are the prize and if he gave you up, have the attitude that it's his loss. Pick yourself up and don't let him see you sweat. I know many a woman who has cried, begged and pleaded, only to regret it later on. You want his last memory of you to be one with your head held high and dignity intact.

That memory will come back to haunt him down the road. When you let him walk, and go into no contact, he very well may start wondering and miss you. When that time comes, do you want him to remember you with make up running all down your face or your head held high walking away gracefully. When a man wants to break up, believe him, and move forward to the best of your ability. How you handle it when he says he wants to break up can determine if he ever wants to come back to you or not.

How to Get Over the Last Man that Broke Your Heart

Below is an excerpt from Evan Marc Katz, the bomb in dating coaches.

If you've ever held onto a relationship for too long...

If you've ever been in love with a man who didn't love you in return...

If you've ever had that nagging thought, "How do I get him back?"...

This email is for you.

And if you want a deeper understanding of Why He Disappeared, please check out my eBook and watch years of pain dissipate within minutes:

Why He Disappeared!



I invite you to think of the last time you were emotionally invested in a man.

It could have been a promising prospect you met online, it could have been your boyfriend of five months, it could have been your fiancé.

The common denominator is that this man, who took your breath away and gave you hope, ultimately left you.

I know how it feels. Most people do. You stake your dreams on the integrity of your relationship, only to find out that he had eyes for someone else, that he had major issues with you, or that wasn't ready to commit to you.

This can be devastating. It can make you mistrustful. It can make you lose faith. It can stop you from dating entirely.

But the hardest part is how, far too often, you never quite get over him.

Because you weren't the one who ended things, your feelings remained as strong after you were dumped as they were before you were dumped. It makes perfect sense. He might have broken up with you, but that doesn't mean you love him any less.

This exact scenario happened recently with my client, Wanda, who was still recovering from a short relationship with a man she met on JDate.

They had gotten physical after 5 dates, took down their profiles, and gave an exclusive relationship a shot. Two and a half months later, he broke things off. Said he wasn't feeling what he thought he should be feeling. Said it wasn't her fault. Said he wanted to remain friends.

So Wanda has remained friends with her ex - and has remained in love with him as well.

Needless to say, it's extremely hard for her to move on. Every new man gets unfavorably compared to the ex. It's not that she's wrong; Wanda can't help herself. She felt that dizzy, passionate, "in love" feeling, and even though the ex is gone, the feeling still lingers.

But should it?

Hell, no!

Wanda's is wondering about how to get him back. She's hoping that their friendship turns back into a relationship. She's "dating" but not really giving herself to the process.

In other words, she is pining for the return of a man who does not love her unconditionally.

Talk about a bad plan. Then again, you've probably done the same thing. If you're still holding onto a man from your past, my eBook, Why He Disappeared will show you how to instantly let go:
Why He Disappeared!

But let me ask you: don't you think your future husband should love you unconditionally? Wouldn't you figure that this should be a pre-condition for any man who's going to spend his life with you? I sure do.

In fact, if I'm building the perfect man, I'm starting there and working backwards:

1. Most important quality: Loves you unconditionally. Will stick by you for richer and poorer, in sickness and in health, til death do you part.

2. Second most important quality: Everything else - height, weight, age, income, education, etc.

Yet all I hear about, over and over, is the amazing, tall, cute, sexy, charismatic, funny, successful guy who breaks your heart when he doesn't want to commit to you.

Well, guess what?

That guy SUCKS!

Your husband DOESN'T leave you.

Your boyfriend's willingness to leave you IS his fundamental flaw.

And you're holding onto an idealized image of him - hoping he comes back.

Why? So when you get him back, he STILL doesn't love you unconditionally?

Face it; your ex isn't as great as you think he is. It's not that he's not a great catch on paper. But in practice, he's a terrible life partner for you for one reason.

He was willing to let you go.

Now it's time for you to let him go.

Same thing with any man who broke your heart in the past. Let him go.

Only then can you open up to true love - the kind that endures forever.

Why He Disappeared!

7 Break Up Mistakes You Don't Want to Make

When going through a break up, your emotions are on over drive and you just aren't logical. This is when women make critical mistakes in a break up. We often turn into crazy women and later on are appalled at our own behavior. Save yourself, don't make these mistakes.

1. Begging or trying to convince him to stay. This is so unattractive and you will look needy and pathetic. Keep your mouth shut.

2. Sleep with him. Biggest break up mistake of all. Don't do it girl, please. If he broke up with you, he gave up play ground rights in that instant. Don't let him see that he can still play, only now he can do it for free, he doesn't even have to take you to dinner.

3. Call him. This just gives you a short moment of instant gratification if you even get that. Chances are good he will not tell you what you are longing to hear and you will hurt worse after contact.

4. Staying in touch with mutual friends. Too much temptation and opportunity to find out what is going on in his life. Ignorance right now is bliss.

5. Holding on to his stuff. Pictures, letters, emails, etc..., are just reminders of what was, not what is. Remove these sources of pain. Have a bonfire, throw them in the trash.

6. Online Stalking. Stay away from Social Networking sites. Way too much anguish here. Out of sight, out of mind really, in time that is. This is self destructive behavior at it's finest. Don make this break up mistake.

7. Jumping into a new relationship. You aren't emotionally stable enough to maintain a healthy relationship. He would just be a rebound.

It doesn't matter if you want your ex back or if you just want to heal. Regardless of your desires, none of the above will gain you either. You ex will not see you in a positive light. More than this though,you will eventually feel you have lost your dignity. You want to handle a break up with your pride and dignity in tact.

10 Positive Signs Your Ex Wants You Back

In some break ups it's best to count your losses and move on. Other break ups though seem so pointless. You want your ex back and you are hoping the ex feels the same. Below are some sure signs your ex wants you back and is feeling the same way as you.

1. He shows up at places you used to go to as a couple. If he was truly over you, he would avoid these places at all costs.

2. His Facebook status has some not so up beat status comments. He may be quoting things of a more serious nature. If he is doing this, more than likely he is thinking about your lost relationship

3. He finds excuses to contact you. He saw something that reminded him of you or came across something he thought you would like etc.. This is a sign he doesn't want to let go and your ex wants you back.

4. Steers the conversation to your break up. Openly discusses the issue.

5. Stays in contact with your friends. Asks your friends questions about you and what you are up to.

6. Your ex wants you back if he is probing into who you are seeing, if you are dating.

7. If he starts taking a sudden interest in activities that interest you your ex wants you back. This is a sure sign your ex wants you back

8. He lingers on the phone or hangs around longer than needed in person

9. He talks about his personal accomplishments or ways he is improving. He is trying to impress you.

10. He still uses terms of endearment, like Baby, Honey, Sweetie, etc...

The above signs are not guaranteed. There is always a possibility that he may just want to keep you around for comforts sake or out of habit. If he is however, showing any of the above signs, there is hope.

Getting an ex back is tricky. You need to have a plan and not be winging this. It's important to know how the male mind processes a break up. It's also important that you not let your emotions rule you during this time. A level head and a good plan of action is crucial if you really want to get your ex back

Learn how men process a break up and how he thinks and put your plan in action before it's too late, before he moves on. For more break up advice and getting your ex back techniques click here.

My Ex Keeps Calling What on Earth is He Thinking

So he dumped you but now it seems he won't completely let you go. What is he doing, what on earth is he thinking? It could be a lot of things. We could speculate all day, but I will toss a few out there for you to ponder over. That's what we do when we are going through a break up. We rehash the crap over and over and drive ourselves nuts. We really can be our worst enemy with that projector that seems to never stop in our heads.

First he of course could just be keeping you on the back burner. He may be thinking if I can keep her on friendly terms, I might can get sex every once in a while when I strike out everywhere else. We don't like this thought one bit, but often times it's true. There they are the ones who wanted freedom, maybe to see if that ole grass was greener thing. They keep you around just in case it isn't greener. Guys really don't like to be alone. If this is why your ex keeps calling you, I suggest continue to not answer.

His ego could be another issue why your ex keeps calling. If you are in no contact and not answering his calls you are doing a number on that ego, trust me. He was the dumper, but decided he would call and low and behold you don't answer. What is going through his head? Has she already moved on? Is she already with another guy? Ouch! That really hurts so he keeps calling hoping you will help put a band aide on that pride.

Then there is the testing the waters thing. Maybe he really is sorry, maybe he does want you back. I suppose this does happen, at least I have heard it did. If you are thinking of going this route though, I strongly suggest you have a really good plan and don't just cave in with the first phone call. If this is what you want, prepare. For a good plan click here.

Last reason he may be calling is the exact reason he may have dumped you. He is a commitment phobic and just can't commit. So what this means is not only can he not commit to being in a relationship with you, now he can't commit to not being in a relationship with you. So what does he do? He tries to keep you at arms length. Don't let him. Get on with your life. Let him be.

5 Tips to Get Over Him

Whether your relationship has ended or you are in a current relationship that you know is not healthy down inside, letting go is very hard to do. We make excuses and hold onto hope, no matter how small. How do you stop this vicious cycle and move on and forget your ex?

Here are 5 tips to begin letting go.

1. Remove all traces of him, no matter how hard. Delete his number, his texts, his emails, pictures, clothing, any and all traces of him in your life. Its hard to do, but the reminders just trigger the pain. It's impossible to forget your ex when you are constantly reminded of him.

2. Stop all contact. Do not call, text, email, write, send message via pigeon and please avoid seeing him at all costs.

3. Make a list of all of the things that he did that were negative. Was he rude at times, cold, distant, write down all the things that he did that did not make you feel good. Read this list everyday.

4. Make a list of what you do want in your partner. What qualities must he have. Be honest here and don't let who your ex was cloud your judgment.

5. Find a support group. Go to an online forum, call your friends, get out even if its only for a few hours. Look around you, many have it a lot worse, reach out to others, it helps the healing.

The bottom line is, you are not alone. Many are going through the feelings of hurt, rejection, pain, disappointment, anger and depression just like you. These feelings are normal and part of the process that you will go through to get beyond this. Start to get over your ex now. Take the steps needed and let go for good.

I have been through this agonizing heart break. You reach a point where you just want to stop struggling and being miserable. You want a better life or you would not be reading this. Sometimes what seems like the end, it really a new beginning. If you want relief and want to end this pain, there is hope. I did it, but now without help. I got over what's his name.

How to Handle a Break Up with Grace

When a man breaks it off, it can be a hard pill to swallow. File him away in
your Mr. Wrong category and the ones who are genuine Jerks, move them to
the part of space that has a black hole in it. Don't allow Mr. Wrong to take
up space in your mind. Do whatever it takes to get your mind off of him.
Get yourself together and get happy.

You may have had hopes of him being the one and really enjoyed being with
him but you must take what he says to you seriously and do not become a
Drama Queen. EVER! Your secret weapon: joy, lots and lots of it.
You don't have time to wallow in self pity. Pick yourself up, even if you
have to do so by your bra strap and don't listen to any well meaning advice
that you should give him time, try to remain friends, or contact him. This is
not in your best interest because you should never beg a man to reconsider.
That's not being smart!

You don't want to appear weak because people don't respond very well to
desperate acts. If you've ever watched the bachelor, you'll know what I
mean. This is beneath you. When a man starts telling you that he is no
longer into you, he means it. You must remain calm and together. Don't
ever break down by starting to cry in front of him but remain in control and
act like it's totally OK with you - deal with your feelings after. Break down
and let it all out after you've turned your back. What he wants to hear is that
you can handle yourself like a lady not buckets and buckets of rain.
When you're able to get some perspective, you'll be proud that you were
strong and didn't fall apart. You'll feel good about how you handled it
instead of having a criminal record of holding a man hostage to you.
My girlfriends' relationship with a co-worker didn't work out and she found
it difficult because it ended unresolved. She was raging angry but she didn't
show it when she would go to work. After a couple of weeks of reflection,
she came to the realization that knowing her personal self worth and value
was the key.

She decided to not allow a man, opinions, or circumstances to define who
she is as a woman. This level of enlightenment caused her to begin to
pamper herself by going out on the town, to the spa, getting her hair done,
and new clothes. And she told me that the best thing that could have ever
happened was to bump into him looking like a Fox. That day she was hot
and she knew it. As a matter of fact when she saw him at the elevator it was
a showdown - her chance to strut her stuff. They locked eyes, he checked
her out, and when she did the cat walk straight towards him while being
happy like she just won a million bucks, he suddenly lost his confidence
[BOOM].

He tried to make small talk and she thought she'd stop but she looked down
and saw that her legs kept walking. She walked away with her power and he
was left there drooling.
P.S. That's how you should handle a breakup

By Nicole Gayle
Author of The Truth About Men and Commitment

10 Silly Ways to Help Get Over a Break Up

1. Put a picture of him/her in your freezer. Now this really is an old Voo Doo trick but think about it. How can you really take a man/woman serious who lives in your freezer.

2. If you can't bring yourself to delete his/her contact info in your phone, change his name. Something like dufus, dick, drama queen, never getting it again, etc..., something that will make you smile. Brainstorm with your friends to come up with a name. You will get some laughs here I am sure..

3. Write a reverse break up letter to yourself from him/her. Make sure he/she includes how stupid he/she was to leave you. Apologize to yourself from him/her. Be creative, add some humor and be as cynical as possible. Humor is essential in getting over a broken heart.

4. Post sticky notes around reminding yourself to give him/her nothing, absolutely nothing. After all he/she dumped you, they gave up all rights to get anything from you.

5. Go out and flirt like crazy with everyone of the opposite sex. Lay it on thick. If you can only stomach a few hours of this because of the sappy music playing, it's ok. Build up to it. You will build up a tolerance in time and be able to last longer.

6. Go outside and scream at the moon, sky, stars what a dummy he/she is. Tell the Gods how stupid this man/woman is for letting you go, for surely they are. Getting over heart break includes embracing and letting your anger out in a less destructive way other than drunk dialing for example. Dealing with your angry emotions is good for recovering from a broken heart.

7. Visualize yourself looking like a million bucks and that ex pleading to get you back and you saying no. The ex by the way looks like crap. Getting that image of Mr. or Mrs Perfect is a key of mending a broken heart.

8. Create another name for them when talking to those few close friends that know you are struggling. Again, brainstorming for that name can be funny.

9. If the ex does make a lame attempt at contact, don't answer or reply. Stick your fingers in your ears and stick your tongue out at your phone. Seriously are you going to answer a stupid, "How are you text?" What is that? Lame is what it is. It's an attempt at relieving some guilt usually. Imagine him or her tossing you crumbs. To get over him or her, don't respond to crumbs. You are no chicken or rooster pecking on the ground.

10. Write a break up letter from you to him/her. Think of all of his/her flaws and write the letter as if you are the one doing the dumping. Include all the stupid things, like the fact that she snored like a freight train, or how he can't really dance at all. Mending a broken heart takes you letting go of the fantasies of how perfect he/she was.

Getting over a heart break really is hard. We have all done it. Attitude is everything. You will still have some rough days, but humor is a great buffer. Know that you are exactly where you belong and this is not the last man/woman on the planet. Choose to let go and move on and make an effort to do so. Life is to short to waste your mental energy on someone who is not putting any energy into you.

Consider Me Gone and Mending a Broken Heart

Consider me gone is a wonderful song by Reba McEntire that has touched thousands of women. It has helped many a woman on the road to mending her broken heart. We all relate to her heartfelt words. She sings of the break down of a relationship, the waning of communication and the distance that can grow. We often find ourselves standing at a crossroads where we have to decide if we utter those words, consider me gone. We know we will be mending a broken heart one way or the other.

The bottom line is this, we know somewhere inside we have to be true to ourselves. We know what we want, need and deserve. We also know if we go, we are going to suffer pain so we hold on sometimes longer than we should to avoid it. Letting go of someone you love is no easy thing to do. The road of mending a broken heart is hell. Nights of lost sleep, tears, loneliness and an empty place in your heart.

When I heard the words "If I am not the one thing you can't stand to lose", it spoke to me loud and clear. Isn't that what you want to be? You know in your gut if you are that one thing to him. Listen to your gut, listen to your inner voice and be true to yourself. Regardless of the pain, it will pass and somewhere out there is a man who will feel you are the one thing he can't stand to lose. You will never find him when you are holding onto a man who will go on with his life when you say "consider me gone". If he set you free, embrace the term consider me gone and start mending your broken heart.

We fear the unknown and if we walk away from our comfort zone, we feel stark naked and venerable in the unknown. Is the comfort zone the best place for you though? I think that sometimes we have to take chances and make changes. The universe is a big place and perhaps or more like probably there is something better waiting for us around the corner. If you truly are the one he can't stand to lose, he will come after you. He will go to the ends of the earth to find you. How would that feel? Wouldn't it be better to know the truth now so you can begin to live it.

Consider me gone is a beautiful song and I am sure it has touched many. There are probably millions of women riding in their cars with the radio cranked up singing along heart and soul. Be true to that heart and soul. If you aren't the one then just say it, even if only in your mind, consider me gone. If you are not the arrow to his heart, then it's consider me gone. Simple really.

Don't go through this without help. An excellent resource to help speed the healing of your broken heart is available. Click here.

No Contact Rule

No contact removes the source of pain from your life and allows you to begin to heal. If you continue to communicate, you are going to have emotional turmoil and constant reminders. You are just prolonging the pain. Remember a time when you were single and happy. This time of no contact will allow you to regain your independence and be happy with you. It allows you to build your confidence back up. If you are seeking reconciliation, an unhappy, non confident person is useless to their partner.

The no contact rule can serve another purpose if you are seeking reconciliation. It can send a wake up call to your ex and they make second guess their decision to end the relationship. While there are no guarantees that you will get your ex back, chances are better if you vanish from their life that they will miss you. Don't expect it to happen in a few days or even weeks, it takes time for an ex to evaluate the loss.

If you have an ex that wants to remain friends, chances are its because they don't want to lose you completely. Without no contact, rest assured that once your ex is back on their feet (because you helped them by offering your friendship) they will be on their way and your friendship will be non existent. The no contact rule is a much smarter option than remaining friends. Being friends causes you pain and allows your ex to heal quicker. No contact causes your ex pain and allows you to heal quicker.

It is very important that once you make this decision to go into no contact that you stick to it. If you waver back and forth you are sending the signal to your ex that you are weak and are still available to them. They will not take you seriously. Sometimes a surprising thing comes out of no contact. Once they are out of your life and the healing begins, your emotions get under control and you see things differently. You may discover that they were not the one for you after all and that other more promising possibilities await you.

Getting Over a Break Up

How do you get over him you ask. How is it possible when you carry the pain around and the break up consumes your every thought. A big part of your life is gone. No more phone calls, sharing the same bed, laughing, its all gone and you feel lost. You feel helpless and at the mercy of your constantly changing emotions. They say time heals all wounds, but you want to get over him now.

The first thing you have to realize is that it is your choice as to how quickly you can heal. You can hold onto all that pain or you can chose to start letting go. Although the one that left us behind may be the source of the pain, they are not the ones preventing the healing. To heal is solely your responsibility. You may be saying I just wish I had some closure. Closure is your option, you chose to open or close, its that simple. Chose to close. Chose to get over him. Getting over a break up is never ever easy, but it can be done.

One of the first and most important step to get over him or her for that matter is to remove the source of pain from your life. Remove the source means to stop all contact. Get him out of your life so he will not have any power to inflict further pain. Step back and take this time for you.

Get rid of all emails, text messages, block him from face book, my space and any other social media sites. Get rid of all of his stuff. This man that broke your heart is like an addiction, an addiction that you want to be free of. All of those emails, texts etc... are triggers, they trigger the craving. Anyone who has ever stopped an addiction will tell you one of the first steps to recovery is to remove those triggers. REMOVE THE TRIGGERS. Hit delete and block all the way across the board. This is a major step in getting over a break up.

After about 2 weeks of no contact if you are open to healing, you will start to see things more clearly. You will start to think of him less and less. He will no longer consume your thoughts and new possibilities will enter your life. if you can get through 2 weeks then you will have the strength to make it 2 more and so on until one day you wake up and when your feet hit the floor he does not even cross your mind. There is life after a heart break, you can and will get over him.